Dead lizards are tasty!!

No more sleeping on the floor for me, no sir, I have moved up in the world. Yup. That’s right. I have a bed. I admit, it’s a futon, but I like versatility. You also have to remember I live in one room (well, two if you count the bathroom) and I need my bed to get smaller sometimes. Well, not really but I am really enjoying pretending that is the case. Once the whole room is set up you will get pictures. Satiating curious minds is my job. I still need to get some tables and a loveseat. I don’t want an entire couch. I just don’t. The more sitting areas you have the more likely it will be that people will want to visit. That’s how I see it anyway. What is with these people and their glass tables for crying out loud? I am going through CL and it’s glass table after glass table. Whatever. Moving on. I might even try to find an easel or something as I am going to have some open space that I could make into a tiny project area. As of right now I am working on my key project (The key project? Coming along nicely thank you! Check it out below. I thought I was going to run out of keys. Now I am starting to wonder. It’s almost finished.) after work, after dp, outside of my place. That way I can watch the hummingbirds buzz about and sit until the sun goes down.

Side note: The plan is to get some flowering plants that attract the little savages so I can get National Geographic on their asses and provide you with images of the tiny feathery delights.

I am a little stressed about exercise, so I found an indoor pool to swim laps at. The jump rope will still be the occasional go, but with the limited room and my absolute solid unshakable refusal to jump outside, it’s going to be iffy and annoying. With that in mind, it will soon be project, after work, after swimming, after dp. Totally. I am going to be a svelte taskmaster. Lot’s will be accomplished in that tiny work area. It’s all going to be beautiful. It’s all going to be unique. Promise. Jim is loving dp. He has made a bunch of friends that he romps with. James has discriminating taste when concerning other dogs. You see, he only plays with dogs that will try to hump him and that he can try to hump. Once the hump game starts, he knows they can be best of friends and off they go to run about and do dog things that look super fun and very tiring. Sometimes the James simply lies on the picnic table and surveys the going ons while getting up only to solicit the occasional scratch. Either way, he loves dp and screams his head off with excitement as soon as we take the turn into the parking lot. I am also enjoying dp. The people are a trip. I hit the afternoon crew and it’s mostly made up of 50+ men. There is one constant female and I can’t decide if she’s wasted half the time or just naturally like that. Either way, she rules. I found out from one of the guys I see all most every day that all the men think they have a chance with me. Gross but funny. As in strange and as in ha ha. Now I don’t know what’s worse: The fact that a bunch of elderly small town ya hoos think they can get up on me

Side note: To make this even more repulsive, I guess they are under this assumption due to the simple fact that they are in normally capable of having their way with women even younger than me. Gag.

or the fact that I had no idea this was the case until one of them clued me in. Totally and completely oblivious, that’s me. It’s a nice world I live in. *sigh* The one that finally brought me up to par in is pretty cool. He is helping me with this dilemma by asking me as loud as possible how my boyfriend is. This means every single day. It’s hysterical and I indulge by making my answer just as audible. These are the kind of things that keep me entertained after all. Needless to say I look forward to dp almost as much as the James does. It’s my only human contact in Payson other than work. Maybe one of these days I’ll remember to bring my camera and snap some pictures for you.

The job is still trying. This woman grooms like nothing I have ever seen. Were I to groom like this anywhere but Payson, I would be fired on the spot. No joke. It’s getting frustrating as I know what a decent groomer I am and I have to turn out dogs that look butchered to say the least. Unacceptable. I don’t know how long I can purposefully make dogs look like shaved down freaks. I guess with the cooler weather coming there might be some change? Whatever, this sucks. I went and groomed for the woman down the street and that wasn’t bad. I have some thinking to do…

Ah yes! Jimmy has successfully made his second kill! The first was the rat while walking the Charles. He head butted it to death and it was excellent. This time it was a lizard. Normally he cannot catch them, as they are way faster than him. I stepped up and took my piece of the action. The little guy cornered himself and every time he ran under something I would lift it up, give the war cry and the chase would resume. The first time Jim got him, he played dead. We almost believed that one. Jim gave him a little poke just to be sure and off he went with James hot on his heels. The second time Jim crunched him in his mouth just to be sure. It worked. I cheered. I have no idea what my neighbors think of me at this point. Maybe they’ll just assume I am a bit off and leave me alone. That would be great.

Oh man. Guess what I am doing this weekend?? Just when you thought it couldn’t get any better… The James and I are going to Mr. F’s family reunion! Yup, you read it right. Saturday will be spent with the extended family in Prescott (AZ). Now you might be thinking, woah, family reunion? This is getting heavy! Right? Well, don’t get to excited. Firstly I am going because I was invited. His family thinks I am just top shelf. Who else would you bring to your family reunion other than the one and only JH? Yeah, I’m a NICE ONE. (Hi Mike and Marcia!!) Second, I think it sounds like it could be a flat out hysterical blast. I mean, the plan is to get soused before even going to the reunion. That alone made me want to join. Any time you have to drink before meeting people you have known for years, you know it’s going to be awesome. I’m thinking of proclaiming myself designated driver or something to that effect just so I can watch this whole affair go down dead sober. I’m quicker on my feet that way anyhow.

We’ll end this blog entry with a nice little slideshow. It’s not much but it’s all I’ve got. Talk to you soon.

Are you curious??

Question of the day: How did Joy’s first week in Payson AZ go? Was the transition smooth? Does she feel good about her decision? To tell you the truth, it was trying. Leaving Mr. Fantastic was tough. Get to work on your first day an hour late tough. But I like to think I have taken on the burden of setting the standard and it won’t have to be questioned after this eh? I know, I was a little thrown off by the whole thing as well, what with my need to be punctual and all.

I had a very decent first day and groomed some dogs. The first one was a jerky little freak show but he’s looking great. Well, as great as he could groomed how he was (more later). The others were all perfectly well behaved and now look their best as well. I called my landlord while there to set up a time to meet and exchange money for a key but she blew me off. Now I was feeling… out of sorts… the entire day. Out of sorts like when you are a young little tyke, have moved and it’s the first day of school. Like that, but you’re 29 instead of 8. At the point of being blown off and not having my place to sleep at I felt totally overwhelmed and said fuck it. I was going to ditch entirely but instead I opted to take James to the local Dog Park to feel familiar and calm myself (which totally worked) and then drove back to Scottsdale for the night. Plan B. Since I was in meltdown mode and Mr. Fantastic is personality type eNTj everything was handled immediately.

Side note: I am an INFP, and if you are curious enough to find out what type you are, you can find the test here. It's pretty dead on when concerning me so...

Costco and Target were the chosen places to acquire everything I would need (furniture not included) for the new place. I have been camping on the floor and this weekend was used to find a bed, loveseat and tables. I have the futon and the rest will be found. I am over the need to bail, but it was a close one. I finally spoke with the landlord and was sure to put her on my schedule. She came and dropped off the key at my work. Let’s hope she enjoys my schedule. Yeah, I might do the blow off routine again. Other than that, I am going to give Payson a month. If after a month I am not completely pleased with the situation, I am going to do what I do best… Bail. Thank you to everyone who put up with my meltdown and talked to me while I was for the most part acting like a basket-case. Again.

Side note: I used my third eye again and it worked!! The first night on the floor was creepy crawly to begin with. Then after about the third time up to see what the hell was choosing my body as it's evening path, I noticed this super huge scary spider looking bug near my closet on the floor. That was it. War. I caught the large sinister insect and put him in one of my super cute fish cups. Once I had my captive secure I used my third eye to tell all the bugs that they could go around me, on top of the blankets, but never on my body or I would feed them to the obvious bug-eating carnivore in the cup. I visualized anything walking on my body and little bodies being flung to their death into the foreboding fish cup and went back to bed. Next thing I know, someone is walking on me. It was an ant. The ant went into the cup. A little while later another went in. I visualized me not fucking around. No more bugs. When Jim started flinching and trying to catch what was on him, I visualized him. He slept flinch free after that. I let the disturbingly large bug go in the morning. When Mr. F came to visit I did it all again and this time a massive spider came into the house and gave me the leverage I needed to make it all happen again. Another bug free night was had. Yet one more time the third eye prevails! HOORAY THIRD EYE! I think the secret is visualizing. Let’s face it… you can talk to a bug until you’re blue in the face with no results. They simply don’t speak English.

Sad news. My blue fish no longer has to battle fungus. I guess while I was working my first day he made a jump for it from his bowl. He made it. He made it all the way to the door. He was probably trying to get to reach the door handle as to summon my help when he drowned in the air. This was a sad day for me. I did what any loving parent would do and put him down the garbage disposal. I cannot believe after all those miles and all that fungus he was taken out by stupidity. Good bye silly little beautiful blue gypsy fish whos tiny brain is full of wool, you were missed terribly until I went and acquired a prettier healthier fish. That happened on the same day we went to Target. The new fish is magnificent and healthy so far (you never can tell how long a PetCo fish is going to make it). He’s a crown tail beta. Once the camera has battery power again (I forgot to charge them) I will be taking a picture of not only the new fish but also the new fish homes. This will be worth the wait. I also have no internet *GASP* at the new apartment. I am going to work on that as well so I can blog in smaller increments instead of sending you a novel every time you know??

The new job is going to be a task. The woman that runs it grooms dogs so they look HORRID. I have been doing my best not to be overly aggressive and pushy about it. I am going to gain her trust before pushing her around. That seems the easiest course of action don't you think?

Ah yes, dinner with the family. Smash hit. I went and got all the supplies (no easy job… go and find some cactus paddles, I dare you. In fact, I double dog dare you). Once back at the homestead Mr. Fantastic was there waiting to help me prepare the masterpiece (home from work early just to help little old me? *sigh* Heaven!). Well… let’s back it up a bit shall we? I was told which things should be done when and how after he constructed this massive plan in his head. Since I had just found out about the eNTj stuff I was still interested in seeing how his mind works (not to mention how accurate that test is eh?). Ends up it goes to the best possible place it can go provided everyone listens and doesn’t space out half way through their job to have a cigarette. The dinner was prepared efficiently and in a rather a timely fashion. Everyone agreed it was delicious. The teamwork was out of this world. Go us.

A little wounded bird came onto the walkway out front the other night so of course I caught it and brought it in to assess the situation. It was all kinds of damaged. I made it a nice little home for it and then proceeded to research. From what I could tell, it was a busted up Cassin’s Sparrow. Since the pet store was closed we settled waiting to get the bugs and instead bought some birdseed for the night. We checked Its tiny wings and one of them was scabbed and the joint was exposed. The little one died the next day. It was sad but upon further inspection the tiny little bird had many wounds and I think there must have been some internal damage. Well, what can you do? I did what any mourning person would do and put it down the garbage disposal. Nah, I didn’t do that. Mr. F was not keen on the idea of a sick bird chopped into little pieces in his disposal. So not fun. The bird went into the dumpster. Now I have this massive amount of extra birdseed. I think I am going to fill a platter with some every morning and put it outside my place to see what it attracts. Have I told you about the wildlife I see every morning at my new place??

Side note: Did anyone notice I used the word “morning”? Huh? Did they? Yeah, that’s right bitches!!! The JH is a morning person now!! Mission accomplished!! I am up about 6ish every morning and boy was I right, I love it! I have this bad ass programmable coffee maker that helps this entire morning person accomplishment take place. It has no coffee pot. Just a button. Less to clean. Awesome.

There are hummingbirds EVERYWHERE. I am going to get a feeder as soon as I can. I want a glass one as I have been told the plastic ones blanch from the sun quickly here. I’m hoping to get some National Geographic quality pictures. Yeah… There are a plethora of other birds there as well and I am hoping the seeds come in handy. I will post any decent pictures on my Flickr account, don’t you worry about a thing. I saw some type of weasel hanging out on my neighbors wheelbarrow. Little rabbits hoppity hop all over the place. The guys at dp (dog park) told me Elk will walk right down main street sometimes. There are also Javalina in the woods so I was told to get a gun if I am going to hike as they will automatically attack the James when they see him. Terrific. The up side of this is that Payson has an excellent shooting range I can practice at. I am going to be a sharp shooter if it’s the last thing I do.

Remember the cactus spines I stepped on while driving over the Apache Mountains? Me too. I am reminded every day as one of the spines simply will not exit my foot. I have bought an exacto knife kit and bathroom surgery will ensue at some point soon. I have had it. Do you know how hard it is to jump rope with something stuck in the ball of your foot? All most impossible. All most. Whatever. We’re doing the slice and dice and that little fucker is making an exit no matter what. Bring it.

I am loving my new hair cut. With the heat and my need to drive down the highway with all the windows down, this is clearly the cut for me. I like styling it down more than up but I might give the spiky punk rock look another chance at some point. I thought you would like to see it, so here you go. Take care. I love you my fans!!

It's all gone...

I know I don’t blog as much as I used to. I am also aware of what a crying shame that is considering I could easily help you waste time when you could otherwise be doing very productive and responsible things. I am slightly ashamed. Useless jabber is my specialty after all. But truly, as much as there is still the endless assault in my head I have been simply enjoying what others would call a vacation while I have been keeping house AND keeping my oh so awesome company happy as a pi… let’s not refer to excellent people as swine shall we? The point is I couldn’t vacation if I tried. Hard. I am a multitasking goddess. It is what it is. The thing that is keeping me the most pleased is knowing very few people and not having to do anything unless I want to. I like the fact that I am not easily found right now. I am left alone and there is not the slightest bit of pressure. No schedule, no appointments, nothing. Ahhh… the sweet smell of empty. Good news. I have been getting up during the hours that signify the morning. Is it easy? No. Am I enjoying it? Very much thank you. Oh yeah and that crap about appointments? I just got back from one that proved the JH looks good no matter what you do (check out my flickr account, I insist). YEAH! That is the kind of schedule I can handle right now. I’m starting to think I could take just about anything. This is obviously why people vacation. I totally get it. Alas, this is the last week of my glorious nothing. Starting Monday the 13th I will be heading to Payson to start my new responsibility filled life. It all begins at 9:00 sharp. I might even shake it up a bit by showing up early. After work, I will be moving in to my new place. This will consist of finally taking my suitcases, craft container and the dog bed out of the truck. Oh yeah. I’m not fucking around any more. After all that is out I can finally start moving in the furniture. I’m thinking a futon, a couch, a coffee table and maybe, just maybe a small desk. Dishes plates… yeah, everything. This is all pretty exciting. No matter how many times I set up an apartment, it’s always like the first time and I love every second. The fish have also moved into a new place. Is anyone else blown away by the fact that the fish are still alive?? We had a slight scare with some fungus but that has since been remedied. There was no way some mold looking swill was going to get the best of my gypsy fish. No way. We tackled it head on with a ferocity even I was impressed with. The fish slowly overcame their illness and the fungus began to dissipate. Then came “the kick”. Our incredibly perfect company that normally makes us overly happy to be alive decided to cut corners and vault a counter top. The fish are residing on said counter top and got the brunt of a swinging foot. Not only was the vase overturned chipping and cracking the top, but our well traveled (not to mention recuperating!!) blue fish was flung from his normally safe and predictable (and now medicated) home and onto the floor! It was tragic and I treated it as such by clutching at my chest and screaming MY FISH!!!!! at the top of my lungs. I have found that clenching and shrieking really helps me in times where fast decisive movement is crucial. So now, not only is out company perfect, he is also a life saving fish hero. YAY! This meant the fish needed a new residence (broken homes always lead to an adult life full of struggles and past transgressions after all) and I love Target. So not only did the fish get a pretty, larger home but me and the most perfect company I can think of at this time smelled about 50 billion candles. Candle smelling rules. We went with some Oriental Voyage tea candle mixture because it is fresh smelling and some incense because he likes that kind of thing. I’m more a candle girl myself, so I also grabbed this large different blue tri colored incredible smelling candle with a little glass plate for a holder. Collapsible dog bowl on sale (just in time for backpacking in the wilderness)? Check. It might get better than this, but I am not sure how… Oh, I forget myself. Dogs are allowed in Llowes. Uh, yeah. Probably so as not to be outdone by Home Depot but whatever. I put him in the cart but he wasn’t down with riding around like some pussy dog. Good boy. I am immune to scared faces formed due to the approach of James but since we have excellent company pointing it out and laughing about it as of late, I am reminded of it sometimes. I cannot believe how many people think Jim is going to fly off the handle, chew through his leash and become a bloodthirsty killing machine. I think we all know I am far more scary and prone to attacking than he is. He is better at screaming anyway. The shittiest part of Jimmy’s spectacular vocal abilities is that he’s taken to howling when I go out without him. That’s right, long drawn out I lost my best friend in the whole world and I know she’s having the time of her life without me and probably never coming back bellows. We’re working on it. It’s slow going. The extra bonus is that I don’t have to feel bad since the next-door neighbors have what sounds like 15 small dogs that FREAK OUT all the time and they’re loud. So we’re good when it comes to making enemies. Not that we were worried about it to begin with, or ever for that matter, but still. On the subject of enemies, or friends, whatever, I am making dinner tonight for the whole family. Yup, that's right, there is a family involved. It's going to be the mother, her BFF, the middle brother, his 6 year old daughter, Mr. Fantastic, me and the James. It all started the other night when I asked him what he wants for dinner the next night. I wanted to cook something he requested because I am just that nice a person. Anyway, he comes up with this excellent recipe and of course I agree to do the entire thing. I have been cooking my ass off and the challenge of something this large is a treat in itself. Well, we’re invited to dinner last night with the mom and her BFF, so of course I hold off on making it as turning down an invite by mom is just silly talk. There’s discussion about the brother and his daughter coming over and what should be made for dinner and the mom decided pizza isn’t healthy, but oh well, it’s easy. The dinner I was going to make is brought up and that’s when I did it. I flew off the handle saying things like “Don’t worry, I’ll make that for dinner! I’ll rock that kitchen! Just show up, it’s going to be great!”. So yeah, after a shower that hopefully ends with me styling this (refer to flickr page) so it looks half way decent I am off to find the ingredients. All three pages worth. Tonight is the night for success!

Building a life?

All righty. Let’s talk about me, shall we? I went up to Payson to look at places to reside in and found one I like. It's a studio. Big enough to pace and small enough to only need so much furniture. Perfect. All I have to do now is find said furniture. I’m thinking a futon and a small couch in the bedroom/living room. If I can make a little dining room I’m totally going for it, as I am way into dining rooms. Little tables can be found yes? My backyard leads into all these trails that I can hike. There is an off leash dog park down the street. Horseback riding is completely attainable. There’s a thrift store. Is anything else needed really? Nah. Maybe one thing. Like the chick that is living in my house getting the hell out huh?? Yeah, maybe that. She said she should be out by Monday. Sweet. One of the things I am considering doing once I am settled is getting more finches. Maybe not 107 breeding pairs this time. Maybe like 4. No nests. And how cool would an outdoor aviary be huh? Huh?? Yeah, I know… I rule. I’m thinking about doing it so it can be brought in if need be but have it large enough that it can go outside my window. My birds can enjoy the company of their wild cousins and their captor all at once. James will have the project of keeping the cats away. He’s going to be great at that. I bet he even gets a sweet bonus at Christmas and possibly, just possibly a promotion. Uh huh.

Scottsdale is going to be a hard thing to leave due to the company and the fact that I have been playing domestic queen and I am SUPER at it. I’m all about bustle and cleanliness and then making dinner. Are you kidding me? This is great. I also don’t have any kids running about which I am certain makes it like 80% easier but whatever. I am pretty sure I could handle it without issue. I have the energy of a small child so we’d match up great and take on the world together. After picking up the house and having lunch and our midday siesta of course.

James is suffering. He’s used to doing things during the day but the heat makes us stay inside and without a job, there is nowhere to go right now. I’m enjoying it, but he’s having a hard time with the whole affair. I take him out at night to run about the school grounds or the golf course but it’s just not the same. I would bring him with me when I go out but I guess you can get into serious trouble around here for leaving your dog in the car. Even when the windows are down. All the way down, parked in the shade with a slight breeze going through. In fact, the chances of the police being called and the dog being taken away is super high. I don’t want to take that risk, so we stay inside. The risk is due to (get this) people going shopping, rolling up their windows and forgetting (!) their kids (!) or pets are in the car. Then of course the car goes up to about 160 degrees and everything in it dies. So now, due to the fact that there is a sprinkling of incredibly dense people out there, uber smart people like me get to pay the price as well. But I suppose without them, there would be no comparison, therefore making me look just like everyone else instead of pure genius. I might just start thanking them.

Back to me... I could go on forever when regarding that subject. However, I am going to stick with the vanity aspect right now and let everyone know I am chopping off the rest of my hair. That’s right. Gone. It’s going to look like this haircut but I am going to ask the stylist to leave the front a little wispy and longer. Not much mind you. Wispy. I have this issue with my confidence level and my hair in my face. When I feel insecure I can usually booster myself by letting my hair hide my face a little. I guess you could say it’s good for regaining composure. So I think if I leave a little and slowly work my way into the shorter cut I can wean my way out of this bizarre behavior and just know how extremely awesome I am. I don’t even know why this is in question. I doubly don’t know why I would ever want to hide these phenomenal features. You know what this means don’t you? Soul searching.

Speaking of nothing related to soul searching, I am reading a book about Hermetic Philosophy. It kind of goes along the lines of The Secret (ahemauntieyoushouldreaditcough) but it’s way more involved. I am digging it very much. I’m not even going to try and summarize. Okay, maybe a little for your sake. Everything is mental, everything vibrates, everything is the same but different, the Universe is at our disposal and we are capable of using it instead of being used *by* it. How’s that? Yeah, well, go read about it then. I’m only like a 1/4 through my book anyway so I don’t even know where I get off trying to explain something so complex.