I always get what I want

I would like to start this entry with the fact that Costco kicks ass all over the place. When I shop there I might spend what seems to be quite a bit, but I don't have to go back for months. I'm all over it.

I would also like to thank the Arian Nation skinheads for changing history. After this I am going to put on my steel toed boots and find me a little brouhaha. This just goes to show you TV rots your brain. Trash in, trash stays in. Either that or I am way to easily influenced.

The holidays were so surreal this year. We had a little early get together the weekend before Christmas with Mr. F's brothers, their kids and GF's, also there was his grandma, his mom, and her BFF. Without going into to many details, the dinner was excellent and very enjoyable. Even though I was late making the dinner cold, guess how many times I heard this? Guess how many times it effected me? We got his mom this globe she's been wanting forever and I finally made a mom cry in a good way. The after math of dinner was fucking wild, had little to do with me and I just don't want to talk about it. Just wow. Long story short: Don't drink gallons of booze and then try to fix every single issue you have with your relationship. Or do and pay the consequences for the rest of that relationship.

I didn't go home for Christmas and that was a funky little feeling I simply couldn't shake no matter what I did. Then Christmas morning greets me with a text from my sister that my mom is in the hospital. It goes on to say she's not sure what to do but remembered I said she can talk to me about anything and feels bad about ruining my Christmas with the news. Hence the text and no call. Wha?? Backtrack... I was so fucking ill this Christmas it was amazing. The gravel voiced hacking cough feverish hot cold hot cold I can't breathe through my nose where is all this mucus coming from oh my god my muscles have decided they cannot support my skeleton any longer sick. I should have gone to bed the minute I felt this coming on but it was Christmas eve for crying out loud and there were parties to attend. Besides, aren't viruses the ultimate re-gift? It's like the gift that keeps on giving for absolutely no cost. Money wise anyway. VALUE!! So ate a bunch of DayQuil and Aleve and then drank some more of that Airborne stuff. Have you tried this fizzy wonder drink? You should, I swear it was the thing that gave me my 15th wind. And off we went into a winter wonderland. Once we were in Flagstaff anyway. Until then it was more like a kind of chilly lots of cacti wonderland. I met the fam, they loved me no doubt. Then we went off to Flag where Mr. F had booked us a lovely little hotel room with a jacuzzi and I got to soak my aching self and let the steam work congestion miracles. Lucky me, earlier I had received lavender everything from Mr. C (I can't help but wonder if he's hoping it will help me relax, little does he know eh?) and in that little package of rest was a bottle o bubble bath. It was a hot swirly effervescence heaven. I just want to recommend being sick on the holidays. It takes away any and all of the normal stress of the holiday and replaces it with a big huge I don't give a fuck. It's marvelous. Don't get me wrong, I smiled and I enjoyed myself to a stupid degree but that usual nagging everything has to be perfect was gone like yesterday. Perfect.

Oh yeah, so anyway after leaving the hotel we went and spent Christmas day with Mr. F and his girlfriend at her place. She has four dogs (and I sweat two!! ha!!) so Jim was invited in and that made everything completely a-ok in my book. It ruled. We took off from there and romped about in the truck on dirt trails up a mountain for a while. It was fun and scary. Then home and for me, bed.

I scored big time this year. I'm satisfied with everything. I can't remember a year I wasn't now that we're on the subject. Not going home proved to be okay as now Mr. F can join me for a trip back after the New Year. I love the New Year, it's my favorite holiday. It will be spent here. We're thinking about just having a big old party at our house so we don't have to worry about driving. Does it get any smarter? Probably not. This place is a fucking think tank.

You're how old??

So I spoke to soon. :( The daughter of Toby's owner showed up today to get the little guy. I don't use the C word often and it's basically come down to me believing I don't use it often enough. She has the trump card and played the victim the entire time with her fathers failing health and all. I don't want to sound like a total bitch but this chick couldn't care less about Toby and I can't help but wonder how much she cares about her father. She told me Toby is the only thing keeping her father alive but to much of a liability to let live anywhere else. She then took him away to live all by himself at the fathers condo which is now vacant. That's right. She's going to *try* and stop by once a day if it's possible to at least feed him. I can't tell you how bummed out I am. I tried, I really did. You know when you are talking to someone and after a minute you know they are to selfish and uncaring to hear anything anyone is going to say because they are so focused on being the poor victimized soul? Yeah, me too. Whatever. Everyone at work is now freaking out over the neglect factor. Animal control will be called on Monday and we're going to see if they can get the little guy out of there. Otherwise, I might have to make this a re-con mission. I'll tell you how it goes...

On a way tastier note, I have a blueberry pie in the oven and the crust is incredibly cool. It could be blogged. The crust consists of christmas trees around the edge and a snowman in the middle. JH is in fact #... well, hold on here...

Today is Mike's birthday!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIKE!!! I'm going to go ahead and take a back seat for like 5 seconds and give a shout out to the MM.

MM #1!!

Don't you bite me!

So here's the latest plan. Well, maybe plan isn't the best of descriptions...

There I was at work minding my own business when I see a super fat, old cairn terrier in the boarding section. His eyes were caked with yellow crust and he's not looking to happy. On his cage is a florescent yellow paper that reads: CAUTION! WILL BITE! Of course I find this amusing. I mean, this little dog has everyone in an uproar. He can't be more than 30 pounds. He should be 20 but that's besides the point don't you think? My feeling is, the fatter the little ones are, the more manageable they are. This one has sunk his little canine teeth into a couple different people. Can you see where this is going yet?

Side Note: Right now, right this very second I am sitting out back on the swing in front of the newly installed fire pit. Oh the weather outside is... kind of nice really... and the fire is so delightful! I have never before sat around a fire pit while living in the city. And yes, it's as bad ass as it sounds.

Of course I have to enquire about this feisty marauder because the sign keeps cracking me up. He's 12, his owner had a stroke, the daughter now has the little dog but wants him gone because he keeps biting the kids. He has a thyroid issue (weight issue solved), his eyes need drops (crusty eyes explained) and she has done neither for quite some time. The little guy is uncomfortable, has itchy sore eyes and is totally PISSED about everything and in my opinion, he has every right to be. 12 years with one person and then you're whisked away to a place with small bothersome children. When you tell them to get the hell away from you for the last time, you are then put somewhere where people are known to stab you. I would bite too. A lot. I am not Toby however and in effect, I am not doomed. Since the old man can no longer care for his brutish little friend, Toby is scheduled to be euthanized. Okay, *now* is the picture becoming less muddled?

Mr. F came by today to meet the Tobster. They did well together but it had a lot to do with the beef jerky Mr. F was munching on. Whatever... success is success after all. Jim ignores Toby and Toby ignores him back. Perfect. We're going to give it a go. If everything works out, he can stay with us for his final years.

I'm going to try this flower essence thyroid medication just to see if it works. If it doesn't, I'll get the western prescription he would need. I have always wondered about those flower remedies though, haven't you?

I have to get some sweats for walking an hour every morning. 6 is simply to early for jeans. Speaking of the morning. Every morning there is a little bird that visits the hummingbird feeders. I have never seen anything but hummers before this so needless to say, I am psyched to see it's little blah brown self every time it latches on and drinks the glorious nectar. The hummers hate it, but there's not much to be done when you are stoically ignored. Once again, size does matter.

Happy Holidays!

I couldn't have asked for a nicer day

but if it were possible I would have given it a shot. I would have opted for Sunday since that's my other day off and housework would not predominate my need for fresh air and sunshine. I have the sliding doors cracked but it's just to chilly to have them wide open like I prefer. It's fine. I have monkey slippers and my feet give me the most hassle about brisk winds drifting through the house.

Has ebonics truly taken over the holidays? And on that note, is everyone ready for the holiday? Is all your shopping done? Anyone else want to beat the shit out of the next person that asks that? If I had every day off with nothing to do, I still wouldn't have my shopping done at a decent time. It's part resentment and part procrastination. That usually equals doing everything at the last minute. It's a working system for me so I'm not changing a thing. My Christmas cards are finished and that's a big old sigh of relief. I really get off on the whole card thing. Apparently the post office, grocery store and corner stores don't share my cardasm because no one has stamps. That's right, THE POST OFFICE IS OUT OF STAMPS. WTF IS THAT??? I can't remember the last time I went to the post office for anything besides postage. I'm shaken. It just confirms that the internet should be accessed and used for everything. Am I really just a rat pushing the lever for more food while freaking out because it just might deliver an electric shock *this* time?

Things have been happening here. The empty corner is not so empty. The back yard has an extended brick patio. The bushes and bonsai tree will be covered in lights by the end of today. There is even a stocking hung by the chimney with care. Clearly it's Jim's. We're even considering getting a puppy. If that's not a together crew, I don't know what is. Either that or little miss Annabelle, Lina or Billie is simply going to join the chaos. Is trying out all your puppy rearing theories the wrong reason to get that little bundle of malleable fur? I'm guessing it's the exact wrong reason to have a baby. Doesn't that make the entire thing slightly more agreeable in your head? Worry not, love is part of the master plan.

Am I the only person that gets water everywhere any time I do laundry? Why is mopping such a fiasco? That said, break's over. I'll come back and post all the pictures later. Maybe even tangent a bit more. Who's to tell?

The pizza is not done so...

The imposed shopping spree came to an end with appropriate results. I don't want to say I am pleased with it all, but at least it's over with. On the upside it reminded me to look for a fireplace tool set, and I found this bad ass contraption online. It's a good deal and very efficient. As much as I like the whole log holder over here and tool set over there in the name of symmetry, you just can't beat a log carrying pouch now can you? Also, that shit gets pricey. I mean, it's holding wood. The spacing in the basket appears to big for gems and such.

The desk was retrieved this morning and is now in the correct location for anything. It's huge. It's perfect. I am a creativity goddess.

I am bitchin'

I want to like Christmas. Every year I put up some decorations, buy gifts and fake it all the way through. I am a true believer in NOT faking it (Christmas included) but every year this silly obliging holiday seems more and more unnecessary.

Side note: My computer now automatically spell checks everything for me. I don't know why this started but I am so in.

This year I drew my boss from the you have to buy this person a gift container and I am totally stumped. First, I barely know him. Second, forced gift buying is weird. Mr. F and I are going to go walk around the mall and see what we come up with. Since AZ gets down with the mfing shopping plazas, I believe this is pretty much half over. The resentment still flows but what should be should be.

There is a running cartoon in my head today. It's hysterical and consists of people wanting to save money on their dental work but being worried about students taking care of it. It goes on to a classroom of young children participating in what do you want to be when you grow up day. If they say a dentist, they are whisked away to see what they are made of. Needless to say, my dental students are all just under 6 years old and totally ready to learn while gripping things like drills and such.

What is your problem? Just tell me. Say something damn you!!

This was quite the weekend...

Friday night served as time for Mr. F's mom to decorate. This woman gets down when it comes to the presentation of her home. I brought all my wreath parts and put it together while visiting. How nice and cozy.

Saturday consisted of work until one and then I came home to find Mr. F waiting for me so we could go get the bricks he found on CL. I'm thinking, how hard can moving some bricks be? Ends up it's pretty hard. In total there was about two tons or so. :F Even in a built tough Ford we had to make two trips. The first trip was... interesting. We left the house and stepped into fresh air perfect weather sunshine goodness. We got to the bricks just in time for the now cloudy sky to open up and offer the first drops of the torrential downpour that would effectively soak us while we moved the first million bricks. I was sent back to the interior of the truck so that I could be spared. That didn't last very long. Let's face it, it's a small area with nothing to do. Mr. F sat out the part of the storm that blinded you and did we just seriously see hail? Then we both went back out and finished the job. Back at the house it was time to unload the bricks into the backyard over our no gate wall. We then went to dinner with some friends. Once home Jim did not meet us at the door, he was more swaying in the hallway which is bizarre behavior as he usually celebrates our homecoming. I don't know what happened but he couldn't walk very well at all. He couldn't turn his head or put it down to eat or drink, nor could he wag his tail. When he did take a couple of steps his whole body was stiff and he walked with roach back until finally just giving up and looking at us for help. He was all fucked up like he had massive amounts of pain or something. After doing the initial freak out, I carried him out back to let him pee and then tucked him into bed so he would stay still hoping some bed rest was all he needed. Oh yeah, there was also the poking, prodding and squeezing I put him through just to see if I could *find something*. I have a wait and see week philosophy when regarding animal injury or illness so we had six more days anyway. Besides, I work in a vet office. They'd be the first to push aside my philosophy and treat the problem. That left me 1.5 days to carry my 55# sick dog around the house and yard. I could hang. Mostly because I am the master when it comes to 55 pounds of anything and my ability to say "honey, can you get this for me with your massive man muscles?" Works every time. Admiration and all that.

Sunday we wake up to Jim still in all kinds of pain but seeming a little bit better. Since we had to go get the other million bricks, I made him a little bed in the back seat of the truck (he wanted to go with us and his pathetic tries to get to the door broke me down) and off we went. Commence part two of the brick gathering and moving. Holy shit were there a lot of bricks left. For some reason, when there is a massive job for me to complete and it ends up taking longer than one sitting, my mind remembers the entire process being smaller and easier than it is. Maybe it's just doing that so I will actually go back to it. I mean, had I remembered how many bricks there truly were, I would have stayed in bed that morning and then slowly sipped my coffee and waited for his return. Mr. F's brother came by to help with the last of the stacking in the yard since I was about to collapse. How sore are my muscles? How sore was Jim? By the afternoon, he was gimping around the house saying hi to us and checking out our work. By the evening he was doing his little hop thing at the door and wagging his tail. This morning he was totally fine except for favoring his right front leg a little. Of course once it was time to be checked out by the vet, he was in such good health he actually jumped onto the examining table himself. I am now perceived as someone that blows things waaaaay out of proportion. Which can be true, but not when concerning my dogs health.

I don't know if you are aware, but there have been discussions about my little piles everywhere habit. I have pondered this for a while now and I finally figured it out. The first thing we need to recognize is my need for things to do. The second is my total disregard for anyone else I am living with when finding a place for my half completed tasks. I'll put it anywhere but the kitchen really. Food stains and potential fire hazard. This is not good. I mean, it's not totally bad, but it seems to put people out. I came up with the solution of giving me a place in the house that I can use to put everything that is all over the house. We had another discussion and realized there is stuff everywhere because there is no designated place to put it all. I am all about keeping things neat and orderly and Mr. F cannot live in chaos. It bums him out. I am now the proud owner of my very own kitchen nook corner! I had all ready kind of claimed it with my little craft organizer plastic drawer thing so it made sense. It's also out of the way and not visible until you are coming in the back door. PERFECT! I am going to find one of those corner desks on CL. I will finally have a place for all my paperwork and crafting materials. I will not only have a place to do anything I want but I will also have a man whose patience is no longer tested with so pretty inanimate objects. Like I need little piles to do that. Come on, give me some credit here.

The pictures of the yard and empty soon to be full of desk and my stuff corner are in the camera. I'm lazy and tired. It's either nap time or coffee time but not picture time. Oh well. Maybe later.

Can we take a minute to talk about me?

Great. Thanks. So here we are again. Together. This is nice. As nice as my Christmas wreath you ask? Probably not, but you have to believe me when I tell you, even I had no idea it would come out this breath taking. Yes, the JH has once again created something so lovely, even she is aghast with surprise and pleasure. Eat it KS!

As always your viewing pleasure is my top priority...

Oh yeah, hey, stay tuned for backyard updates! So exciting!!

Well, well, well... would you look at the time...

I have decided to go all gung ho and wait until it's flight time rather than go to bed late and run the risk of sleeping through my alarm. This is high risk territory with me so running the risk of falling asleep at the wheel is actually less risky when it comes right down to it. The good news is there is only about 1 - 1.5 hours to go and I am almost at the slap happy phase. I should be totally intolerable by the time I get to Logan. iPod? Check. Neck pillow thing? Check. It's heepy time once on that metal flying machine. Making the staff at Logan suffer to ease the pain of my insomniac ways seems a very decent trade.

Oh man, I can't wait to get home. My family was shocked to hear me confirm things like I miss him and the likes. And for once I am not referring to a dog. Figure that one out. I usually show up for holidays solo and enjoy every second without missing anyone. In fact, in past years I have told the male in my life not to stress about joining me. I was always the one stressed when they thought they were going to... ewww. T you're so not included in this mess. So this is all new to me as well as them, so I could share their shocked expressions. It was nice. A bonding moment if you will. And you will. The Mr. F thing is fucking insufferable. What the hell is going on with me? Why is my mind plagued with thoughts of this man. I, the JH, miss my SO? I pine for his attention? And I think the worst/best part is that I am so okay with this. I am soooo okay with missing him and wanting to see him again. It's like being okay with having an infected heart. I'm fine with the oozing and pain produced by his (loving?) bacteria.

Thanksgiving was just lovely. Half the family was here, the other half down the street at my aunts. We connected, we ate, we smiled... I do believe I enjoy the holidays even more when I fly in from a state far away. Everyone is super duper nice and they have to stay that way because I am leaving and could die with our last words being something snarky... and no one wants their last words and looks to be anything but pleasant. Death creates guilt. Besides, we're all great at pretending there is no problem anyway, mostly because there isn't a problem. See how I did that? I'm a pro. But seriously, it was a great time and I am psyched I came to the Bean to celebrate amongst the people I love the most.

I am needing a Jim fix something fierce. I am never doing this again. You know, leave both boys at home and travel far away while acting like I can handle it. Yeah, that. I realize Jim is fine and stable. It's clearly me that has the neurotic separation anxiety issues. Ends up, I'm the freak on a leash. I want to be embarrassed but I'm prone to forgiving myself immediately to avoid any self esteem issues. I'm so over it.

When I get back I am going to cuddle with my dog until he wants nothing to do with me, water my plants until they drown, swing on the swing until I am sick and then enjoy Mr. F until... whatever, you get the point. After that I might just start my Christmas wreath for the front door. I am considering using an ass load of eucalyptus so we can smell my crafty goodness every time we use the front door. I rule.

It's that time again

Usually I pack the pies I have made into the truck and head on down the highway in the southern direction. This year was a little different and consisted of northeast motion in the air. The pies have been completed. I am awash with relief. I just didn't think they would make in my suitcase.

I love this game by Hoops and Yoyo and it's a marvelous time waster. I'm a big fan all around.

Celebrating with family tomorrow while peeling and eating an entire carcass should be interesting. After the holidays I am going to try and play catch up with friends.

I miss my dog.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!! Gobble gobble.

That's what friends are for!!

These are two stories about friendship.

Once upon a time there was an incredibly beautiful girl. This IBG just happened to be BFF with what might just be the coolest dog to ever. Well, until he made an honest mistake and thought a gift the IBG bought for someone was a dog toy and shredded it. Then he was kind of on her shit list for a little while. But! This is about friendship isn't it? Sorry, I digress... Since the CDE ever wasn't very good at emailing with his little stiff, albeit cool, dog paws the IBG stayed on top of emailing. One day the IBG was choosing a collar and leash for the CDE as he likes to look his stylish best at all times. Let's face it, cool beings do those things, yes even dogs, so it's rather expected and you shouldn't be the slightest bit surprised. As the IBG was finding the best match for the CDE she thought he would like to do a little modeling (he does that on the side you know). She inquired to whether the maker and seller of said matching leash and collar would consider putting the CDE on the website were she to forward them a picture once the collar and leash were in place and picture perfect setting and position was accomplished.

THEY AGREED!!!! JIMMY IS GOING TO MODEL FOR THE SHAKA DOG HAWAII WEBISTE AND HE'LL BE "ON THE TOP" THEIR HOME PAGE!! BRING IT BITCHES!!!

The End


There is another little story and it runs parallel with the above story:

Once upon a time there was an incredibly beautiful girl who suddenly had this song rambling about in her head (all day, every day) just because she thought she was clever (she was soooo clever, this part is true) and decided to get the coolest dog ever more exposure on the web. Due to the nature of this IBG's brain and it's incessant need to overrun her with outlandish thoughts and silly little ditties, the search for exposure had the IBG rendered helpless by a popular song written by the one and only, Madonna. For those of you that know nothing of Madonna, I want to say this: Madonna is so not the point of this story. She has enough exposure, she doesn't need my help. Since you are reading my story, you can also google the hell out of Madonna. I also recommend you climb out from under that rock you have been under for freaking ever and join the rest of us. Wait, that's not true. I might just be jealous of you and wish to know how it's possible to have internet under a rock. Otherwise I would like to inquire as to whether you need a roommate? Oh man, what just happened there? Sorry then, back on track here... focus! The song was going on and on and on without respite. Wanting to release a little of this personal hell the IBG, being bloggerific and all, sent out her silent plea of help. Oh happy readers, let your eyes celebrate!! That same plea did not fall on deaf ears and wouldn't you know it? Her blog was regularly read by a blatantly obvious super hero!! Being as BOSH's essential qualities dictate savior like behavior, this BOSH could not turn away. Turning away isn't very BOSH like to begin with. Standing vigil and towing trucks are closer to their style. A plan was established!! A support system was vigorously searched for!! Needless to say, being as BOSH's are super and hero's, it wasn't long before everything was put into place and sent back to the IBG through the comment section of her blog. Now I don't know how many of you read the comment sections on other peoples blogs (though I can personally say it's totally worth every second of your time) but considering how helpful and appropriate this comment entry ended up being, the IBG decided to post it where everyone could enjoy it and you never know, maybe someone out there might need the same help she did. Not that she's a BOSH mind you, or even a poseur... she was more hoping there is someone else having the same problems she is and they will just finally admit it as they are not the only one either...



The End

Look around, everywhere you turn is heartache...

If you look at my links, you'll notice Shaka Dog Hawaii has been added. This is due to the fact that they make great collars and leashes. I am always on the look out for items that will help James look his best. I am also constantly searching for a way to boost his self esteem. After a little back and forth emailing with the Shaka Dog, I ended up sending Jim's picture along as they asked what kind of dog he is. This resulted in the keyword "adorable" being thrown around. I agreed fully. Ever the thinker I proposed me taking some excellent pictures of James in his new Shaka Dog collar and leash set (I'm going with the Mahina Blue/Brown for a collar with the Mahina Brown/Blue for a leash btw, and they're located on the "dots and swirls" page if you scroll down). Provided they love them (and they will), I asked if they would consider putting Jim on their web site. I'm still waiting for an answer. Jimmy is beside himself and he didn't sleep a wink last night because of all the excitement. Either that or it was because the neighbors started really partying at four this morning. Whatever the case, wish us luck. I am convinced that once I get this little project started the song "Vogue" by Madonna will stop relentlessly going through my head.

I might be a crazy dog lady but I like it this way, and I am so good at it that it seems more crazy to stop wouldn't you agree?

His latest photo shoot done at home:


And let's not forget the one that got him into a catalog:


Let's face it... he owns this!!!

Once again whining proves to work

So I had myself a little snit fit last week. Hard to believe I know. I am feeling very out of sorts lately. My expression sometimes turns to whining and sulking, which I am excellent at. :F <--------- That's going to be my F emoticon (thank you smitheroo!) from now on. It's going to represent the face I put on when I make a statement that makes me think, "oh F, that's so true and kind of disturbing...". Now that I am all settled in I think everything else is catching up to me. It all boiled down to what I am used to doing compared to what I am doing. I am doing all the who cares everyday things of course but I need to break that shit up a little with other more stimulating activities. That used to mean hiking. Me and the James would hike for hours some days. With the threat of scorpions, rattle snakes, coyotes and something called a "jumping cactus" hiking has become a thing of the past and we are bored to tears. Snit fit away. Well, lucky me and Jim, we just happen to live with a man that not only cares (gasp!) but also listens (double super huge I can't believe it gasp!). Friday evening consisted of buying a tent and when I got home from work on Saturday everything was packed up and ready for camping. YAY!! It was great. We camped up on the rim and even though the night was a little chilly, like sleep wearing my scarf chilly (AHHH!!! How cool is my completed scarf?? We'll get to that later...), it was a great time. The night was spent sitting by the fire drinking wine and just relaxing. Well, I had to remember that lost of people go camping all the time, and they ARE NOT routinely eaten by animals or attacked by killers roaming the woods. THEN it was relaxing. Speaking of fires... The smoke from CA is drifting over here making everything smell smoky and sweet. The day was full of driving about on super narrow, super high up dirt roads stopping when something looked interesting. It ruled. Of course we took some pictures. My batteries went dead after a couple shots but Mr. F's camera stayed the course and we got some nice ones. Enjoy, I know I did.

The hat and matching scarf is done. James was kind enough to model it for you as it's our day off and no one else was around. He was my first choice since he has modeled for catalogs before this. I don't know any other models so the decision wasn't a hard one. I'm stoked it's finished and I have begun Mr. F's. After having him look at the green colored yarns (and having him not like any) I opted to go with Harley Davidson orange, black and an off white with little flecks of black in it. Bad ass. Once it is done, there will be another photo shoot but this time Mr. F will be modeling his own goods. I think this is an opportune time to give another shout out to my Auntie and Uncle S!! They are the ones that presented me with my looms. So thanks guys, without you I wouldn't be half as knit-able.

Now that I am in the desert I am learning about hard water. Do you have hard water as well? If you can't answer that, hard water is a lot like an orgasm: if you're not sure that you have it, you probably don't. All my dishes that are left out to dry have little water spots left on them. This obviously means all my dishes have water spots on them. Ha ha. I am also not used to drying my vehicle completely after washing it myself. Talk about bizarre. I often wonder what it does to my body and sometimes want to drip dry after taking a shower just to see if I am covered with little white spots. That would probably lead to me walking about moaning and trying to froth at the mouth just to see if I could *for once* shake Mr. F's cool exterior. I don't know why taking people to their breaking point is so important to me but... well... it is. Okay, maybe not this time so much as the others because oh man! this next shelf is SO GREAT I can hardly stand it. You can have a sneak peek because let's face it, you're worth it. And I was kidding about the whole breaking point thing. Mostly because Mr. C reads this. Ha!!

Oh man, I am so going home for Thanksgiving. James will be staying here but joining me for Christmas. I want my first flight to be me freaking out about me... not me and Jim as well. Once this one is over with, the next will be easy cheesy. However, this flight is so obviously meant to be as I not only scored a ticket for a little over $200 but my confirmation number has JH right in the middle. Shut up!! Now I am not one for signs and all that but this was so obviously meant to be!!!

Since I am lazy today (read: lately, everyday, pick one), I am putting everything in the same slide show. The ease of this makes me happy and you still get what you need to picture what I am talking about. Thrilling really.

So many things happen between blogging...

I am so lazy today I can't stand myself. What better for blogging than a sprinkling of self loathing? It is my day off so I'm not going to be all that down on myself. Oh, and happy Hell Night to one and all. This weekend consisted of a costume party. Mr. F and I went as the whole "roaring 20's" theme. I kept thinking of costumes but my short hair just doesn't look right to me in most of them. Lucky for me flapper girls wore their hair short. Lucky for Mr. F, zoot suits are fing awesome. The thing we didn't consider is how unbelievably hot a zoot suit is when you are wearing it in AZ. Of course he still looked fab. A little uncomfortable, but great. I dutifully reminded him throughout the night that sometimes looking great uses comfort as a consequence and while you want to complain you have to just suck it up and smile your most lovely smile while mingling and pretending to enjoy yourself. I mean, that's what I do most every time I am with a group of people anyway. It never has to do with clothing though. Bummer. If I could do something as easy as remove my overcoat to alleviate the discomfort! Oh man!!

I opted to not carve any pumpkins. I was waiting due to the heat aspect. Rotten pumpkins are gross. We were informed that we won't get any trick or treaters but yet there are all ready smashed pumpkins everywhere. I'm not carving a pumpkin just so some jerk faced punk kid can smash it. No way. We are considering going to the movies tonight since we partied the night away last weekend and don't want to support pumpkin smashers. We have also been invited out to happy hour with Mr. F's mom and her BFF. I like that option best. Not so much due to happy hour but because I can wear my BAD ASS flapper girl costume again. The day I was supposed to get pumpkins turned out to be the day I threw my headachy why did I stay up so late will I never grow up back into finishing the planting in the backyard. It's looking splendid. Well... it's looking like a construction site that has little walls and flowering plants. We have the vision though so all we can see is the extended walk and the grass that isn't grass but you'd never ever know unless we told you. I'm sorry, have I told you about this yet? Maybe not. We were thinking grass but since we are in the desert grass really doesn't fare that well. We have seen the neighbors grass (or what they are calling grass) and it's pitiful. We don't want to be pitiful. We want to stay the coolest people on the planet. Maybe not as cool as Mr. Cool but pretty damn close. So we are getting that artificial grass that looks and feels real. I even took off my shoes and walked around on it and I'm not kidding, it's amazingly real feeling for some synthetic look alike. I guess we can also get a city rebate of some kind just for installing it (helping fellow desert people by conserving water and all that). It can get a little pricey but we only have a little section to do so we're not going to sweat it.

Side Note: We are geniuses. This area has "deep freezes" in the winter. Since we don't want our wonderful plants to die, ever, we have put them into buckets. Those buckets are then given little handles and placed into the larger buckets that are behind the wall and surrounded by rocks. That way, if there is a deep freeze, we simply pull the plants out of the buckets and bring them into the house for the night. WAH LAH BITCHES!

Hello? Is this that hot guy that makes super cool shelves? Oh good. I'm just calling to say hi because unlike other people, I don't have to request anything from you. You just keep building me unique little shelves that keep a smile on my face. They also give me excellent places to put my plants. That produces an even bigger smile. I don't know what my plants would do without you but it wouldn't be half as creative... and that's kind of sad... so thanks a lot maker of shelves. Anyone that keeps a smile on my face with artistic creativity is okay with me. Talk to you soon. Bye. Yeah, that's right, the imagination walls have been breached. After pillaging the women and raping the cows, a newer and better city has been designed and the building will not be stopped. There will be no walls this time. Onward and upward. I come home the other day to Mr. F building a new little shelf with the left over wood. It's something. There is another as well that isn't quite finished. That one is just as unusual and just as rad. This is the start of something truly awesome. The most awesome part of this project is the fact that I get to help choose the location of the finished product and then place things on it! This rules. RULES! Obviously the shelves will hold plants. I'm going to throw out little subtle hints that smaller shelves are needed for atrium so I can yet once again be infected by my orchid illness. THE ATRIUM!!! Oh man! So we went to this plant sale (THANK YOU CL!!!) held at some warehouse type place and got four huge plants for the atrium. Now normally this would have cost at least a couple hundred dollars. The Lady Palm alone is worth quite a bit. How much did we spend? That's right... 35 bucks. We now have beautiful plants in what before was a hollow little place with rocks and dirt for a floor. Right in the middle of the house. What was once vacant and needy is now lush and beautiful! I do believe little shelves are still needed for some orchids though. I might be horrid with orchids and they might die no matter what I do but I have the sickness and I am convinced this can change with a little practice and a super good attitude. I'm not backing down on this one...

So November 1 is Jim's birthday. He's eight (or 56 for all you that's blah in human years types). It's funny because the older he gets, the more I like him. How much does that suck. I often think dogs should be born old and decrepit but our absolute favorite thing on the planet and then die when they are young and cute but pissing all over the carpet and chewing everything they can get their nasty little mouths on. It doesn't work that way though so the James is getting into his oh so distinguished years. I thought this photo appropriate since with age his hunting skills are honed like nothing I have ever seen. And don't you worry, the beetle got it in the end. Happy Birthday to the best dog ever. From looks to behavior, the James has it all.



Oh hey, the biker run. Yeah, we're not going. Ever. We mentioned it to Mr. C and I guess he doesn't go to them because runs attract amateur riders and amateur riders attract accidents. Thank you anyway. I am still knitting but we are going to ride with people that know what they are doing. I am way to high-strung and nervous to go riding about with a bunch of people that could possibly kill me. Over & Out.

COMMENCE KNITTING!

Since today is my day off, I thought I would play my favorite game: Domestic Queen. In between my domesticity I thought I would knit and blog. The knitting truly started last night but that's not to say the brunt of the work won't be done tonight. Along with all this fun stuff I am acclimating my little hummer friend to my presence and things like the flash of a camera. He's taking it well. He's more curious when I wear hot pinks and reds and such, so I oblige him. Anything in the name of kick ass pictures eh? I got a couple of decent ones of him perched up in his hiding spot under the canopy of the bonsai grapefruit tree. BUT! There is a plan and it is solid. It is almost impossible to get picture of these little speed freaks. I need a neutral backdrop and a way to keep them in the sun long enough to snap them in all their shimmery glory now don't I? Lucky me. I am going to confer with Mr. F and see if between the two of us we can rig something up on the walkway wall (sand color, perfect) that will hang the feeder in a block of sunlight that shines on said wall *all day long*. Ha. This should be interesting and I'll blog it best I can.

The knitting is going well thank you. I considered going with different colors but then I remembered my backpack. It's light purple. I don't want to clash. That's always an important thing to remember when you have chaps on. Right boys? Whatever, the point is that my backpack is light purple and light gray. I do believe Mr. F's hat and scarf are going to be a nice burnt orange and dark olive. Not only do those colors go together splendidly but the piping on his jacket is orange. The green is due to his eyes and when he wears the color green his eyes just about explode through his face so I'm going for it. Mostly because I am hoping to see his eyes explode, but also because I think it's going to be simply fabulous looking once finished.

That's all I have for now. I'm going to continue sprucing this place up and pretending to be a NG photographer. It's my day, so I can do whatever I want. :D

I absolutely need to do something with this...

and aside from emailing it to everyone, I thought this a little more appropriate, don't you?? Here's the deal, I guess they had a purpose at one point, now we just keep them cause they're funny. They used to be put in with sheep and if a predator came down to eat the sheep... well, just watch the video. I don't know how this escaped me for so long.

Ramblin' Man... Highway to Hell... Long and Winding Road... Wanted Dead or Alive...

The fish look fabulous on the CSE (coolest shelf ever). Like living wall art. Now that the lights are here, they look especially artsy. I always enjoy watching them and this means they are fulfilling their duties as pretty fish. I really can't get enough of this shelf. We need to put more things on it but we don't want to just start putting stuff on it. We want to be selective. For now, the fish and the two tiny money trees (that were presented to us at his birthday - I get presents on his birthday, how cool is that?? - by his mom's BFF) are on it. The money trees are going to be placed in a southwest (southeast? I forget) corner of the house (for prosperity) once more bad ass shelves are built. But for now they look killer on the CSE so they shall remain.

A new healthier life style has been started here in Scottsdale AZ. I have been swimming every day and the first day I was a total flunk stopping after 15 measly minutes. I am now up to 30 minutes and I have been using our pool since it is still warm enough to do so. It's not large enough to really get into it but it does the job. Provided it isn't shaded yet, I can stand it. Once the shade settles it is far to chilly. I guess there is a rumor floating around that our pool is supposed to be heated? The "pool man" is going to be questioned and if the pool is indeed heated I can swim in it all winter without issue. How sweet is that? The pool down the street is far longer and only $2 per visit but it also means driving and dealing with other people - something I abhor - so being able to swim at home really takes the cake.

Speaking of cake... Something that isn't so sweet but is decidedly awesome is that Mr. F is a certified nutritionist. This man refuses to cease to amaze me. Calories are being counted and diets are consisting of nothing but healthy goodness in our bodies. Mr. F thought I should blog some of the meals we have prepared and since I want nothing but his happiness I could do nothing but agree wholeheartedly. So get your mouths ready to drool. Last night we had candied acorn squash for desert. Delish!!!

This weekend kicked ass! Mr. F, his dad and I went on a little day trip on the motorcycles now that Mr. F's bike is finally fixed! YAY! It ruled. His dad is the coolest guy ever. So cool that I have started referring to him as Mr. Cool. I kid you not. I am psyched he went with us. The whole ride was very pretty. We stayed the night in Cottonwood (way cute little town) at a little motel called The View. As expected, the view was everything it should be. The next morning we ate breakfast in Jerome (man do I love that place!!) and then headed over to Prescott (by way of Mingus Mountain) to check out the craft fair they were having for Octoberfest. It was an excellent time. The only thing that ended up not having a great time was my crotch area. The seat on Mr. F's bike is absurdly small and round. Since the bike rumbles it ended up feeling like my crotch and inner thighs were being punched rapidly. Not cool. Not cool at all. I am either going to make little pillows to go inside my pants (no joke) or we are going to see what can be done with the seat so that I might be able to ride long distances without all my little friends paying the price. We ended up trading bikes with his dad in the end and my privates got some well deserved cushioning and rest. We also resembled super-heroes on the Bat Mobile. His dad rented a 2008 Harley Davidson Nightrod for the trip to see if he'd like it enough to own it and it belongs in some comic book movie. I guess Mr. F's bike is something. It's a 2002 Titan Gecko. Ooooo huh? Yeah, I don't know either but it's super shiny, very loud and other people that *do* know what it is think it's great. Whatever, I am a passenger... and I ride and ride. Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to be quiet for all this time on the back of a bike? It's tough. Just because I stop talking on the outside doesn't mean the clammer ends. No no. It just keeps on going in my head. I end up getting all these songs running through my head and it's rather funny (or crazy, your choice). They're mostly songs that go along with riding like that "looking for adventure... or whatever comes our way!!". Cracks me up. You know what all this amounts to don't you?? I am a full blown biker bitch now. I even have chaps and a leather jacket. The real question is how many older women can purse their lips at me when I am in my gear. It's a huge amount. Smiling at them only helps a little. I am so obviously the fringe of society. I don't feel like fringe though, I feel kind of cool. Bad ass I'll kick your ass because I'm wearing leather but not to look cool cool. I'm like those ride or die chicks you hear about in rap songs. I think we should start riding for charities. I mean, what's the point of being an outcast if you don't give back a little right? There is a toy run coming up and we might join it. It's going to be in Cottonwood so it'll be cold (elevation and all that). This of course gives me a reason to make more hats and scarves! I almost lost my hat this ride so I am going to need a better more reliable one. So does Mr. F. I might make him one that matches his bike! Shut up! How awesome am I as a GF? Of course mine is going to be so girly and SO FUN. Probably pinks and glitter stuff and such. Nothing goes better with leather than a pink, fluffy, sparkly hat and matching scarf (this will be blogged!). I don't want to look like a butch dyke after all and with the short hair? I even find myself checking out hot babes when I am in my garb and away from the guys. Nah, just kidding, that never happens.

Oh yeah, btw, while at the craft fair we were looking around realizing we could easily make some extra cash with our talent of making things. So who knows, maybe we'll have our own booth next time. I would have to drive the truck up as it would be full of our oh so handmade items and this would mean the James could go. He had to sit this one out as he's lousy at sitting on the handle bars of the bike. One of the girls I work with let him stay at her place and it sounds like he had a blast and was on his best behavior. Good boy! I am contemplating getting him a little buddy so when he is here alone he won't be alone. And if someone watches him, he'll have backup. I don't want a large dog. I'm thinking 20 pounds or less. A little terrier would be sweet. I am not going to go looking for this dog though... if one comes along, I'll take it. I'm freaking Mr. F out with my need for pets and he's not so keen on the little dog idea as he wants a large one but I see him meeting the little guy and loving him. Besides, this is my idea... how opposed could he possibly be? Exactly. There is also the fact that I would be less of a basket-case when leaving Jim at the house. That is always a winner.

Here's a little something interesting for you... I thought it was interesting anyway. It also confirms my thought that the Smithsonian gets anything and everything that is really great. WHY am I not there?? Blah blah blah... farm equipment just went up a notch in my book...



This incredible machine was built as a collaborative effort between the Robert M. Trammell Music Conservatory and the Sharon Wick School of Engineering at the University of Iowa . Amazingly, 97% of the machines components came from John Deere Industries and Irrigation Equipment of Bancroft Iowa , yes farm equipment!

It took the team a combined 13,029 hours of set-up, alignment, calibration, and tuning before filming this video but as you can see it was WELL worth the effort.

It is now on display in the Matthew Gerhard Alumni Hall at the University and is already slated to be donated to the Smithsonian.

Well, so long then... if we end up doing the toy run you know I am bringing my camera!

You light up my life...

AHHHH!!! THE LIGHTS ARE HERE! IT'S LIT UP FIGHTING FISH COOLEST SHELF TIME TOMORROW!!! WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!!!

A little bit of this...

Tra la la la. I just finished feeding all the flowering plants that adorn our front walk. They're beautiful btw. All the flowers have come out on them. See for yourself in the slide show provided below.

Side Note: I just realized the pictures I have taken are before super beautiful flowering time! GASP!! Where is that trusty camera?? Lucky for you, I am on this... be right back -- time line -- Phew! That was close.

Not to mention, the coolest shelf ever is completed and on the wall. I am waiting for the little tap LED lights that will assist me when concerning the grand finale and the fish's final resting place. The lights will help all their fabulous colors shine when it's dark. Without wires I daresay! I just want to be clear that this shelf was ALL MY IDEA. See, I'm the starter (and go team go cheerleader of sorts) of this team. Mr. F? He's the finisher. This is a working system that cannot be denied. The shelf is proof. It's perfect. I found it online and I was all bummed out by the price. Since this guy is nothing short of super-hero status he said he'd make it for me. And make it he did. I am beside myself with glee. Then the LED lights were purchased for a fraction of the price Lowe's has them for. F Lowe's anyway. There should be a cage fight between Lowe's and anyone else that sells helpful build it yourself items. This is so not the point is it? After the fish, I do believe some bad ass framed pictures will go up there as well. Will the Jim make the shelf? Only time will tell but I mean, come on, it's the James.

Some of my flower pots are finally painted. They look good enough for me and that's all that matters. Mr. F is thrilled that I am so crafty and I am starting to realize I could simply splatter paint on things and he'd think it was genius. Of course he'd be right as it would be me doing it. I have two more to do and Egyptian hieroglyphics are scratching at the door to be let in. I'm going to go make some coffee and start this little visit right after I am done blogging.

We have started the backyard too! This is exciting since up until this point it was full of rocks. Needless to say this is not the most pleasant of things to have in your backyard. It hurts and it's totally unforgiving. So we are going to put up little walls and plant desert plants in them. I have found six that I like a lot. The main thing is that I will be able to plant them and then walk away forever if I deem it so. They are all flowering desert plants and I am hoping they will fill our eyes with beauty every time we walk out the back slider. With me at the flowering desert plant helm, what could possibly go wrong? Exactly. Here are the ones I have chosen. They are hearty and they flower. Here's the list. All we have to do now is find them. Ha!

Oleander is my first choice since it has tubular flowers that will help attract the little hummers I so adore. Texas Sage is totally what that large fab bush is out front but I just can't get over it. I love it and I want more. So there. And who knows if we'll even need all six you know? Bougainvillea has the coolest flowers and they come in a range of colors. I'm digging the yellow but I haven't asked the finisher yet so it's still undecided. Lantana is next and check out the flowers! Woah! Different colors on the same stalk? You don't say!! The Fairy Duster is another one that has rad flowers. This isn't going to be a garden folks... this is going to be an experience. And what desert flower garden isn't complete without the Red Bird of Paradise?? A lot of the people out here call them the Mexican Bird of Paradise but that one only has yellow flowers so... I won't tell them if you don't. However, if you do end up telling them I will happily heckle and laugh at them with you. Until it seems dangerous anyway and then I am going to flat out ditch. So, there you have it. The absolute coolest part of this garden is that all these plants do well in drought conditions. That is perfect because I don't want to water or worry about this stuff. I want to just walk away and have pretty things for my eyes when I return. That is a garden I can deal with. The rest of the yard is going to have something like grass. Not sure yet. And then we will have a fire grill thing and a stone walkway where we end the grass. Man are we good or what?? Oh yeah. We are going to take all these rocks and put them behind the new little walls and have the plants growing up from them. Yes, of course the plants will be protected. Who wants to grow through rock? I know people that like to smoke rock but that's different and in no way makes it right. Here are the beginning shots of the yard... I'll keep them coming as we progress.

Am I the only loser past the age of 8 that still enjoys carving pumpkins? I personally feel October could be one of the best months due to that and that alone. I mean, what's Hell Night without candle lit pumpkins?? My point exactly. I might even have some sweet stuff ready just in case the children think the pumpkins mean friendly adults with candy to hand out. They usually do. And I always let them way down while being snarky and telling them to get lost. And this dictates they must come back later and do something nasty like throw rocks at my house. As I am no longer in some dump I don't care about, this simply won't do. What I would really like to do is put some of the rocks from the backyard in a so available pile, and wait outside with the pellet gun to pick them off as soon as they prove to be evil doers. Little bastards wouldn't even see it coming. And what are they going to do? Run back to mommy and cry about how I shot at them while they were throwing rocks through my slider? Plan B, I know. I know! But someone/something is clearly going to get it with the pellet gun, that's all I have to say.

The job continues to be a wonderful thing. The people there are oh so nice and easy to deal with and the clientele aren't so bad either. I am going to continue working there and enjoying every minute of it. Go me. Also, go Jim. Of course everyone there loves him. Of course he gets treats all day. Of course even the people from the hair salon down the walkway come by to see him. I'm not joking. He hangs out with the girls up at the front desk all day receiving visitors they just think he's the cats pajamas. He loves the girls but has no idea what to do with the fat cat Max (or Fatty) who has no fear and sometimes even goes so far as to rub his face on Jim. He also steals Jim's bed at times even though he has a perfectly good one on the counter between the computer. And let's just remind the crowd of how much trouble Jim would be in were he to try and lie on anything that was on top of a counter. The cat is clearly pushing the limit just to be a loser cat. I am considering bathing the scoundrel while James watches on just to solidify who has backup and who doesn't. Cats understand things like that you know.

LIAR!

I said I was thinking about blogging tonight but some hair dye, which is permeating my head as I blog this. It's black/brown so my hair will once again be as dark as I like it to be. Ahhh... I love it when things are how I like it. Not to mention the walk with Jim and my oh so fab Mr. F that got in the way as well. It was very enjoyable thank you. Then there is the coolest shelf ever! Oh man, this thing RULES!! But! it's not done so... Let's also discuss the trouble with contemplation shall we? Well, sometimes you end up not wanting to do the thing you were planning on doing all because you contemplated your way out of it. Ah whatever. Next blog will have pictures of the hummingbird feeders (and hopefully pictures of the tiny ones slurping away at the sweet nectar provided), possibly the coolest shelf ever (thanks to Mr. F) and all kinds of other awesome things you'll just have to hold tight for. Stay tuned gentle readers...

To be or not to be, that is the question...

I haven't been a very reliable blogger, have I? Just so you know, things are happening and everything is fine. I'm considering blogging tonight. I have been very busy shaving and washing other peoples kitties and the likes. The feeders (that's right! plural) are up and we have HUMMERS!!! There is also the coolest shelf you should know about. But you know, all good things come in time or whatever that incredibly annoying saying is that was divulged due to the fact that someone else didn't have the time to do something even though they should.

Until the next blog entry I'll leave you with a forgotten favorite. See, as a groomer I deal with some of the most neurotic pet people on the face of the planet. As much as I want to say they are also the most clever of people due to their insanity, that would be lying. Don't get me wrong here, some of them are crazy enough to be the most shrewd people I have ever met. Most are not. One of my favorite neurotic pet sayings that I had totally forgotten about usually happens when the frantic animal I am about to groom is screaming and trying to scrabble up everyone in the room or trying to dig its way through the door and the floor in a demented way. Only an animal owned by someone super neurotic could hope to produce this action and believe me, it's something to behold. When the animal reaches it's climax and things are clearly out of control and never getting any better

Side Note: Things could have gotten better. They might have gotten better had the owner simply dropped off the animal and left. The other option is to hang about while worrying in a manner that effects everything around them while freaking out and talking in a loud high pitched hyper voice all the while telling the dog that is losing it's fing mind how good it is and not to worry because mommy will be back soon! She knows her little baby who is so GOOD just loves it here at camp because at camp he gets so beautiful doesn't he? Yes he does! He does get beautiful! And everyone here loves her little baby don't they?? Yes they do!! Needless to say, this doesn't help at all and just shows the dog there is in fact some reason to have a melt down.

and the dog is now totally out of its little canine mind trying to get into our arms by boring a hole through our bodies. At this point the owner turns to me and says, "He thinks he's human".

Awesome. I'm not even sure how this fits the moment. Also, these are the times I am so glad I groom due to the humor factor but yet I'm always so bummed the person is there because if I start laughing hysterically, let's face it, I lose a client. Whoever thought of the word "professional" was undoubtedly the most grim person to ever live and I bet they couldn't get anyone to take them seriously. For a reason. Do you know how many responses you could come back with that are so appropriate but so not appropriate? I mean, when do they think they're human? When they are cleaning their crotch area with their tongue? Does everyone gather about their food dish on the floor at meal times to help this poor animals human thought process along or has it been taught to eat at the dinner table with flatware? No, seriously. I wish someone would enlighten me here.

I just want to be clear on one thing and one thing only when regarding my standpoint on dogs. They never ever think they're human. They will always believe they are dogs. Just like we never come to the assumption we are emus. If you disagree and have a valid argument, feel free to comment below and prove me wrong. But beware as you might simply end up looking a lot like the subject above eh? But don't be shy... either way, I want to hear it all.

I'm a mover and a shaker! Well... more a mover.

The deed is done. Not only did I quit the Payson jobs yesterday but I thought while I had the time, I should go ahead and pack all my belongings into my truck once more and drive them somewhere else. This means all my things are now piled about the living room/diningroom area and I get to once again find everything a place. It's a little harder this time as someone all ready lives here. I personally believe it's just easier working with a clean canvas. However, the JH will persevere and as much as there was the slight freak out last night, my head is now calm and ready for the task at hand. I have even laid claim to the guest room (aka the garage) closet and bathroom. MINE! HA! Clearly the hummingbird feeder is going on the newly shaped bonsai grapefruit tree. I left the plastic one behind as I think it looks and acts cheap. The glass is proving far easier to clean. Another will be attained. Probably now. Right now. It's blue. I recommend only glass feeders to avoid that nasty sticky never come off mess the plastic ones provide. Gross. Speaking of sticky messes, I think I am ready to make my own liquid for the feeders. I keep hearing that it is a good idea to put in food coloring to attract them. I don't know how I feel about this. Dyes are bad for you aren't they? I worry about the little guys and the possibility of the dye giving them hyper activity and attention issues. I don't want a bunch of ADD hummingbirds craving my dye laden goodies. Should I get some Ritalin to mix in and off set the power of the dye? Conflict. I think the absolute best part of this here posting is that my crap is strewn about the house and I am online debating which feeder is better while typing out my blog. I truly work better under pressure.

Side Note: Not only is that savage little hummer in Payson spared the wrath of the pellet gun but I like to think we are better kinder people due to this as well. So see? Moving helps everyone sometimes.

Moving in yesterday was tough mentally and physically but I really do believe it is worth it. This was confirmed by Mr. F who, knowing what a fragile state I was in, surprised me with a "welcome home" card and some chocolates. And remembering how gung-ho I am about starting the health kick, he got the smaller box. Am I backwards or what? I'm all excited about getting the smaller box of chocolates. Ha ha! But the card... the card is what solidified the fact that my decision making is at it's best right now. Sweet special making goodness in my eyes. Here you go... and wouldn't you agree?




I am officially a desert rat. How would you go about typing out the sound little rodents make when they are chewing? You know, the the noise... thch thch thch?? Whatever, it's not important. What's important is that you know I am making those noises right now. The people at Payson dp were bummed I was leaving but I promised to come back and visit as it's not that long of a drive and James just loves it there. Speaking of the James he has decided that when I am at my worst (putting everything into my vehicle again) he's going to stand around and look super sad. He's especially going to to that right in front of where I need to get through with heavy items. He's a professional at this point. Not cool. But now that I am calm (as calm as I get anyway, which means vibrating *slightly*) he has decided the best route is the super cute route. So, for my fellow readers I present some daily cuteness:

All righty then. Starting the new job on Monday and I am pumped. I have 4 clients lined up for my first day there! This is surprising as the last girl that groomed there fucked everyone over (clients and receptionists alike) so I am gaining the trust of everyone back. This should be no problem at all for me. I'm going to flash my award winning smile say exactly what they think they want to hear and WAH LAH! trusting malleable friends. Gaining the confidence of the upper office people is going to be cake as good old Mike has started paving that golden path to freedom for me with his rave review. Giving me a rave review has to be the easiest thing in the world. I mean, I do it all day in my head so I know what a snap it is but it's still super to have someone else believe (and profess to a future employer no less) the inward ongoing rants in ones own mind. MM #1.5!!!

I have stuff to put away, things to get, movies to return and ears to clean. I might even start painting another flower pot as I finally have all my craft stuff with me. It's going to be a full day.

Accomplishments are best met with sharp cutting objects

I am aware of how great I am. You are aware of how great I am. Nature? Not so much. Today I showed her. :) Yesterday Mr. F and I did a little yard work. He took care of all the cut the shrub into a perfect square type stuff and I took care of the 12 foot grapefruit tree that was starting to resemble scary shrubbery. It didn't even resemble a tree and were it not bearing fruit, I would have never been convinced it is what it is. Since I am always super helpful and loving this whole domestic queen deal, I told Mr. F not to worry about clean up and to leave the task for me. I mean, we were going to pick it all up right that instance but his mom came over for a spell and chatting ensued. Then, alas, we realized we had no bags to put the refuse into so we had to go and get them didn't we? This meant a "quick" trip to Lowes. All said and done we returned with the bags, a new beautiful Stromanthe sanguinea Sonder for inside the house (it was on sale for about a quarter of it's usual cost and needed help, what's a girl to do?), the pot it will be planted into and a swing for the back patio. Needless to say, it was way late by the time we were done building the swing and pick up had never happened.

I stepped out this morning to clean up, looked at the gigantic shrub that should be a tree and it transformed before my very eyes. Yes, I immediately knew what needed to be done. Clearly it needed to be turned into a small tree that resembled a bonsai grapefruit tree. After practicing smiling heartily and saying the words "don't worry, it will undoubtedly grow back!" I went to work on my Monday masterpiece. It took a while but I persevered and what do you know! There is now THE cutest little tree beside the front walkway. It greets me with the warmth and acceptance any small tree in a walkway should.

Side Note: We are redoing the backyard. It’s going to be awesome. I’m going to record and blog it start to finish. The revamp is going to be mind numbing. Ready yourselves.

Now I don't want you thinking I forget you at any point, but it never occurred to me to take any pictures yesterday, as my creative juices were not flowing quite like this morning. So you don’t get it from the very beginning 12-foot monster it was before I whacked off the top. You do however get to see the final transformation. Enjoy. I know I did.

Oh yeah, by the way… the new job is making me an offer at 4 p.m. my time today. I rule. DB can suck it. Over & Out.

Pennies are imposters but I don't fear change

I had an entire blog entry ready to go. It had things like me breaking my feeder and getting a better less breakable one and all kinds of fun stuff. I have opted not to use it as I am under the impression that I am waaaaaay better when I am spur of the moment and not in Payson. So... the new and improved entry is here and now instead of the dreary and out of style yesterday.

We spoke of Jim's incredible lung capacity and his inability to shut his mouth no? Well guess who has been introduced to the citronella collar? For those of you that haven’t the slightest clue as to what a citronella collar is let me enlighten you. It is a simple box shaped contraption that goes onto a dog collar and corrects nuisance barking (or soulful extremely loud howling in this case) by spraying a noxious citronella mist into the animals face when the throat vibrates due to making noise. Shameful, we know. The down side is that we have to use it because *someone* finds it necessary to scream their head off every time I dare to leave the house with Mr. F (not to mention dogs loathe citrus). The up side is that when I arrive back to the quiet like a mouse house my (poor tormented) dog (alone, abandoned, unwanted) is at he smells pleasantly like citronella. It seems to be doing the trick and that is a winner all around wouldn’t you say? It is important that he learns to keep his muzzle shut as we will be residing here shortly (more in a minute here, don’t rush).

This is the face tyranny produces:


Yup, I said it. It would seem Payson is a big fat dead end. As much as I am enjoying the place I am residing in and as much as the weather is untouchable, the job is not what it was advertised to be. Yes, the same exact job that brought me to Payson is the same exact thing that shall drive me out. The payoff is proving to be very different than the CL ad said it would be. Also, DB is not all that business savvy so she hired to many people and now the work is dying out. Sadly, she could easily run the place with two people. Three if you absolutely had to have a bather. But there are six… yes, six people working in this tiny little shop. There will not be enough work come winter. It doesn’t really bother me as I am so much better than both the places in this town and I am done butchering dogs just because these two chicks are lazy and bad at what they do to boot. Just because you do something for 30 years, doesn’t necessarily mean you are doing it well, now does it? I have a job interview in Scottsdale tomorrow at 11:30 and since I am aware of my brilliance and capabilities, I know it is mine if I want it. Perfect. So then there’s the fact of where I shall reside. I’m going for it and moving down to Scottsdale with Mr. Fantastic. Don’t panic, that’s my job, remember? I’m feeling very very positive about this so don’t ruin it for me and just send good vibes my way or something. Thanks. This could be it folks, you simply never know where life is going to take you. I’m done guessing and I am going to live every day to my fullest knowing everything is going to work out exactly as it should. I am so sick of being worried about everything. Screw it. Failure is not an option. Smell that? That is what a raging success smells like. Breathe deep.

So, last Saturday me and Mr. F went up to his dad’s so he could fix his bike. I am totally getting a ride on this thing when it is done. Before we got to his dad’s house/shop we stopped so I could take some pictures of the cacti. I am always totally overwhelmed with the size of these things. They’re everywhere and it makes me think of a forest. Although instead of maple and oak trees, there are cacti. Since I had Mr. F with me I had him stand in front of the barbed beasts as a size reference. When looking at the picture, keep in mind he is six feet tall. And that cactus is easily overtaken by some of the other far taller cacti. Woah huh? The pictures were taken on the road to his father’s home and all the landscape is like that. I like the area where his dad lives a lot. I like his dad a lot. Both he and Mr. F are like walking sedatives and that’s something I can jive to since I am like a walking eight ball. While all the dirty mechanical things went on in the shop I read a book outside and lazed about quite contentedly until it was time to unload his mom’s old doors into the dumpster. They wouldn’t fit and breaking the glass became a project as it proved to be the strongest glass ever. I got to shoot a 45 for the first time in my life and did a lovely job of taking out the first door. All right, all right, I admit! Lovely is the exact wrong word to use. In fact, I was so nervous and freaked out that I ended up aiming, closing my eyes, shooting, jumping from the loud boom (don’t worry Ma, I had my ears protected!!) and kickback and then freaking everyone out by keeping my finger on the trigger (bad bad bad… always take your finger off the semi automatic trigger) while trying to get it together. It never fails to surprise me at how easily I can put that washed out we’re all going to die look on people’s faces. I like to refer to it as “my job” on occasion. So now I have it stuck in my mind that I really have to learn how to shoot so I am not a total fucking loser. I’m thinking about asking them if they’ll teach me. That way, I can be less embarrassed about the loser part until I get the hang of it. And maybe I’ll even get my own gun. This was supposed to happen a while ago, so don’t hold your breath. I know I’m not. Worst case, I get practice when trash doesn’t fit in the dumpster. Or I could just suck it the hell up, buy a gun and go to a range all ready. Jeez.

I found this bad ass caterpillar at dp (dog park) and when I went to check it out all the people at dp started yelling at the same time about poison, not soft to the touch, swollen body pieces and the likes. It was weird so I took the little guy home in Tupperware for further observation where I could concentrate with people not screaming at me. I guess two of the people at dp have touched this kind of caterpillar and the little spines injected a poison into them that swelled them up and caused great discomfort for days. Wild. But you know what? This thing *looks* like it could cause harm. It’s big, colorful and screams go ahead and eat me if you want to die. I was going to build it a nice little enclosure so I could observe it further and then see what it morphs into but once at Home Depot I felt horrid about taking it’s freedom, realized I needed more tools to build his new little home and bought a new plant instead. It’s a beautiful little fern btw. At home I put my threatening friend on a branch and snapped some super pictures of him. NG style. He hung out for the rest of the night and galumphed by me in the morning hours while I drank my coffee. I am satisfied with that.

Oh the night also yielded excellent results as my painted “flower pot” is finished and my plant has been placed into it’s new home. I have two other plants that need repotting and you know what that means don’t you? More painting. A girl has to keep busy, otherwise she is prone to droning on and on about the tiniest details of her life on her blog. And we wouldn’t want that now would we?

Ladies, am I the only one that wants to draw little cute pictures or sprinkle glitter on the girly when its time for the gyn visit??

Getting things done. Kind of.

Not having internet is tough but I am hanging in there. My neighbor might be getting a job with an internet company so if I can wait we’ll be getting it for free. I can wait for free. Until then we’ll just have to blog on the weekend. I am considering blogging during the week as to keep you up to speed without having to do it all at once. You would be reading my diary! Sneaks! It’s cool, I have probably all ready read yours anyway. Or at the very least tried. I have undoubtedly rummaged through your medicine cabinet.

The key project is FINISHED! Glory be eh? It was also presented to its rightful owner and appreciated beyond what the imagination could try and conjure up. Then it was shown off to my boss who picked it up by the “lock” part of it and of course it broke. After the fact so she has no idea it happened. Yet. Who does that? Idiot. I would henceforth refer to her as “dumb bitch” but I fear offending my readers to the point they might feel discomfort and I would never want such a thing to transpire. So, instead I will use DB. Perfect. All’s well that ends well because I fixed it and it’s back to whole and clever. You know it’s posted on my flickr account. If you want to see it start to finish, just go into the set labeled “Key Project”.

Let’s all have a moment of silence please… Jeffrey the fluffy footed quick like lightening dog tooth (as in Jim’s open blood seeking maw, not the small pointed ornament repeated along a molding consisting of four petals radiating from a raised center) avoider is dead. All that was left of him when I pulled into work on Monday was a pile of feathers that blew off down the street taking with it all that is safe and good. This is the feed stores THIRD rooster in a year. The last one was carried off by a bird of prey. Unlucky place for roosters is what I say. I’m going to miss the little guy. He kept me entertained on my breaks by throwing his doomed little back into his cockadoodle doos and also by taunting James through the chain link fence.

Speaking of the James, he is now a hardened criminal. I went to check out a trailer with my coworker (she was considering renting it as her commute is about 50 minutes each way) and parked the truck with all the windows down so my little friend would have a nice refreshing breeze while he waited. Once I was gone Jim decided to do what he never does and bailed out. He did this just as Animal Control parked his criminal transporter van to have a bite to eat. The roving pit bull looking dog (sans collar) was immediately prosecuted and put into the back of said van and off they headed to doggy prison. Well, lucky me. It just so happened that he spoke with the landlord right before she showed us the trailer and she inquired if either of us knew about the medium sized black dog running free without a collar on. I just happened to know all about him. We met with the authorities as he pulled into the parking lot and got Jim back safe and sound. No charge. Awesome. The ex convict jumped out of the van, said hello to me and started off in the other direction to pee on something. How embarrassing. How James. I love that dog.

The hummingbird feeders have been bought, filled and hung. I got some of that red feeder stuff to help attract the little biddies and once they are flocking to the feeder I will put in a simple sugar water mixture. As luck would not have it, I have a super aggressive male that keeps others from feeding. He’ll even bomb dive me when I get to close. I hate this little bastard with all my heart. I put one of the feeders further away so he can only keep a close watch on one of them but he’s trying his hardest to man both of them. Oh how I loathe him. He keeps everyone at bay. He batters every single hummer that dares to come into his territory. He gives a tiny roar and assaults each and every little flying jewel with a ferocity that is impressive (and rather irksome). I was sitting outside the other morning enjoying my first cup of coffee with Mr. Fantastic watching him give his little battle cry and viciously attack everyone trying to feed and it was giving my face that sour look, so Mr. Fantastic does what he was born to do (entj personality type and all that). He immediately took control of the situation and offered up his pellet gun. Can I shoot the pellet gun? Absolutely. Can I hit my target? Decidedly so. Can I morally justify gunning down a hummingbird? This one is still sort of hanging out there at the moment. I think Mr. Fantastic can morally justify annihilating anything provided it brings my smile back so I might take him up on that. Maybe he can do it while I make coffee so I won’t have to actually witness the slaying of innocents in the name of my happiness. Comments? Suggestions?? Last words to put into that little jerks mouth?

The place I am residing in finally resembles a home! I found a couch on CL (where else?) for $40 (VALUE!!) but once we went to pick it up it became very clear that I was once again giving my truck far to much credit. It was decided that I would go back up to Payson couchless and the man of the hour (every single hour, maybe even minute) would bring it up with the help of a pick up truck it would actually fit in. Excellent. Thursday was the day my happy little apartment came together and celebrated looking like an entire home. Now I have a place my nonexistent guests can sit. Jim loves it, I love it.

Okay, so check this out. The gym behind the casino has an indoor pool. HEAVEN! How much do I love swimming to keep in shape? This svelte body will be submersed four mornings a week. Not only does swimming work out every muscle but it also provides neurotic high strung people like me a kind of watery therapy. Also, I refuse to lift anything that even resembles a weight. I am not a masochistic muscle building freak. I like the way swimming keeps your body tight but it doesn’t make anything bulge. Streamline baby, streamline. There’s more. Guess how much a gym membership is in Payson? Uh, yeah, 35 bucks. As much as I know I am not staying, I still have appreciating for things like a $35 gym membership you know?

The job. Oh, the job. I’m not sure how long I am going to last there to be honest. I worked down the street for a day and I do appreciate that place far more. Maybe I can do a switch. DB is to controlling and insecure for the likes of me. Not only that but the shop she rules with her neurotic iron fist is chaos and mess. I cannot work in chaos. I like systems and cleanliness quite frankly. Also, I have the distinct feeling I can do better. So I can. I need DB to hold up to her word (which will be discussed on Tuesday in length) or I need a change. We’ll see how it goes. I need a copy of the three rules damn it! All I remember is “maintain the other persons self esteem”. Another excellent system that I have pretty much forgotten. F. It’s cool. I’ll call Mom and everything will be recorded so the next time there is no question of what is right. Good old Mom. HI MOM!! I LOVE YOU!!!

Do you know what is taking place as I type this out? Mr. Fantastic is putting in his mothers French doors. They were arcadia doors before this. What is this guy *not* capable of?? Seriously. What? I am a true lover of French doors so I think this is a wonderful decision. Worry not blog lovers, I have gotten pictures and it will be blogged. I’m thinking a nice little slideshow. But it’s going to have to wait (which to you means the end of this paragraph) so I can get it all on film… er… yeah… no. Also, for some reason I am unable to connect to the net here so I am going to have to go all the way across the parking lot and do it all before the show. Right, you don’t know about the show, do you? After this we are going to a motorcycle show or something like that with his dad and his dad’s girl. I’m pumped. I like his dad. The chick he dates scares me a little in that I’m an unpredictable psychotic killing machine if I don’t get my way, but whatever.

The family reunion party! Ha! I almost forgot didn’t I? I guess it wasn’t a family reunion; it was a party to celebrate someone’s marriage (divorce? AH HA!) but since it was mostly family there it was referred to as such. It was phenomenal. Fun fun fun. I have never in my life seen so many couples that were truly happy with each other. And these people had been together for years. That in itself made me wonder what the hell was going on. Other than that it was a drink fest with friendly people enjoying themselves immensely. I drank in the way beginning and then pronounced myself designated driver and watched drunk people do what they do best dead sober. Totally worth every clearheaded moment, let me tell you. James took full advantage of the situation grubbing for food, socializing with the resident dog Carlos and hunting in the surrounding woods. Prescott, AZ is such a rad little town and I am psyched I finally saw it. So it ended up being worth it in many different ways.

This drive has been such an awesome experience and just when I think it can’t get any better, it does. Fortunately for you, my reliable readers, I will keep you abreast.