A picture is worth 1000 canine stalking minutes

I was just reminded by the MM that any picture of Jim is appreciated. Yes I send along pictures of my dog "just in case" they are needed for something. No, I am not embarrassed. I'm also not sure why. Maybe it's because I enjoy them so much and simply want to spread that joy. Maybe it's because every time I send them out I get positively reinforced and it makes me want to surge ahead and receive yet more praise while feeling like I do a fabulous job at fulfilling wants and desires before they are even recognized as such? AKA fact. Anyway, there I was, basking in the appreciation derived from Jim's photo when the incessant nonsensical nattering began. Were the James not mine and I saw him, would I be driven to capture him on film? There have been times I have found solace in watching (read: stalking) the movements of others. Don't worry, it never lasts long. I just don't have it in me quite frankly. Stalking is long, hard, emotionally draining work and I don't find it all that satisfying after the infatuation has worn off. Although, how many people pine for the James? When he doesn't show up at work, people suffer. I know this because they purposely search me out to lament their hard Jim free times. If he's not in the car, there is often worry and questions regarding his health. When I show up and he's not dancing through the door, many comments surface about how "different" and "quiet" it is without James. It brings the question to mind: am I overreacting or just a victim of years worth of conditioning and/or cause & effect?

Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya! Tomorrow! You're always a day away!

This is it. Everything is packed, Jim is freaking out due to glimpsing the suitcases, Tabitha is nervous because of Jim's meltdown and we are leaving early tomorrow morning.

ROAD TRIP!!!

Dead news = good news

This week produced some awesome results.

First awesome result: Toby is dead. I guess that C daughter finally decided leaving an old sick dog alone in a condo while he starved to death and his eyes festered just wasn't worth it. Imagine that. He was brought in Thursday morning and that was that. I don't know if this sounds cold but I am so relieved. I was tortured by the thought of him in that condo waiting for his weekly feeding supplied by someone that seethed hatred at him. I would rather a creature dead than treated like that.

Second awesome result: Mr. F has been practicing his smoking. We found an eye of round for a slamming deal and then he showed off his smoky goodness Friday night. Needless to say, it turned out scrumptious. Smoky juicy goodness in our mouths. Since the meat took SIX FREAKING HOURS to cook I went and grabbed the camera! Blogalicious! I can't decide what my favorite part of the first picture is, Jim's ass or the crocodile dundee hat. I love that hat. Kangaroos? Not so much.

Third awesome result: The back alleys have proved their worth yet again! We did a little looksee at the maps.google satellite view and back alley heaven baby! We planned out one of our little jaunts and while we were enjoying our divine passageway what did I spy with my little eye? A little plant, thrown to the side like he was just one more piece of garbage to be swallowed up by the unforgiving back alleys. Needless to say, I intervened on his behalf and planted him safe and sound between our two texas sage bushes on the front walkway.

Fourth awesome result: Speaking of plants. We were walking the "kids"

Side Note: This should be an awesome result but I dig on side notes something fierce so... Mr. F referred to James and Tabitha as "the kids" the other day. I don't know why it got to me so much. Could it be because I am a total softy and I am crazy wild about JimmyT and the Tabster? Probably. Whatever. It counts as awesome. Live with it.

the other evening and passed by a nursery. Well, there was the coolest tree out front. Nothing big but it had these delicate purple flowers that smelled terrific. As I was commenting about how great one of those trees would look out front Mr. F spotted the seed pods hanging from the branches. I pocketed some and planted them once home. If these little guys come up I am going to be beside myself with glee. If I ever figure out what it's called, you'll be the first to know.

Fifth awesome result: I started working with my first dangerously fear aggressive dog today. This little guy has been through the wringer. First I would like to thank all the groomers before me that not only pushed him to the point of biting, but then backed off once the dirty deed was done thus showing him how well biting works. No wait, that's second. My initial thanks would absolutely have to go to the groomer(s) that tortured this poor guy until he was an extremely violent panicking, biting, shitting hysterical mess. He's a miniature poodle. When's the last time you wanted to honestly put the boots to a poodle? Don't get me wrong here, they can be very annoying. Sometimes when they're being annoying I can visualize them as fuzzy footballs and the comic strip in my head has me doing very bad things to them. However, this is a comic strip in my head and it stays there. Beating up dogs that resemble stuffed animals isn't that much of a challenge you know? There's no wit spar to be had. Well, whatever, I guess sometimes you just have to slam a poodle around to feel like you're keeping control of the situation. This traumatized poodle is not fucking around. Once he proved he wasn't bluffing, I actually had to use a muzzle. I rarely use muzzles. It was cool though because he welcomed it. Actually pushed his face into it. He doesn't want to bite, that much is clear. I see this as promising. The beginning of the session was not very promising. He was totally losing it and I was just going about my business pretending I am a lotus flower. Lotus flowers never lose their cool. By the end, he was no longer lunging or trying to get me through the muzzle. Progress? I am going to be the only one working with this dog, so we'll have to wait and see. Although, I am the only one because he has been kicked out of every other grooming facility in this area. Google it. That's a lot of grooming shops. A poodle!! AH HA!!

Sixth awesome result: We are leaving for Boston Tuesday night!!! We'll be driving and this is going to be the best road trip EVER! I will be bringing my camera and I might even blog it. Might! That's funny.

It's official

I am that crazy dog lady who takes the neighbors dog because it's "lost". Thankfully tonight ended up not being the embarrassing moment it could have spiraled into. This pretty little red merle Australian Cattle Dog shows up in our front yard. Her name is Katrina. She has a phone number on the tag on her collar. Shit, around here just having a collar, let alone the tag, is something to celebrate. Do you have any idea how many dogs are lost in Phoenix? Go on CL and check out their pets board. Subject matter at hand... I call the number while giving her dried chicken treats (they're super tasty but bland so her stomach won't end up suffering, you know? Crazy dog lady knowledge.) and of course the mailbox is full. I text the number. I lure her into the house and Mr. F begins the reverse search on Excite. I keep commenting on how familiar she looks. Have we seen her somewhere? Tabitha was beside herself with glee and as much as she wanted to gang buster the dog she did get a warning snarl and then she got me backing up Katrina. She listened and was relatively calm while vibrating about the fun new friend right in front of her in our house. She's polite, but a puppy nonetheless and I didn't want her being a total ass to the point her face was chewed off. Katrina took it all in stride. Jim watched and gladly accepted proffered chicken treats but it was extremely evident he was not impressed and wanted this new dog out of the house. Look what happened the last time he allowed a dog into the truck. She came home and stayed with us. Foreboding was seeping from his very pores the entire time. I love that guy. Speaking of loving guys, can you stand it? Mr. F was so cool about the whole thing. Doing the check, offering treats, correcting Tabitha AND actually making his voice higher when Katrina seemed all worried when he talked. Come on! Just come on. Man oh man. I am so IN.

Subject at hand. Seriously. Katrina lives on the other side of our complex. She can fit under the gate and often times comes over to see Tabitha and Jim OR just checks out everyones driveway before running back to her smaller and more apprehensive friend who never comes under the gate and sometimes barks at nothing. I'm not so big on him.

So I am panicking that maybe, just maybe we have our poor neighbors dog. Besides, what the hell are we going to do with her if she isn't his? Right. No harm in lurking in the darkness to see if he calls her. While hanging out in the bushes by the gate I hear a quick whistle and then see her little buddy come out and start looking for her.

I let her out of the house, walked her toward the gate. Once she saw her friend she was all "oh yeah, I forgot because of the chicken!" asked for once more chicken treat before squeezing back under the gate and frolicking with her buddy all the way home. Ah home. Is there any better place?

Oh Papagos! Oh Papagos! How are thy leaves so verdant?!

This day was very relaxing. No pressure, no schedule, nothing. Just one big old collective "ahhhhhh". We went for a nice little hike at the Papagos. We were going to further Tabitha's training by heading into old town Scottsdale so she can have the bustle of lots of people and traffic while attempting to keep it together and notice we do in fact exist when other people head in our general direction. However, she played hard with Cheeto (AHHH! I forgot his picture again and he's SO STINKING CUTE!!) all yesterday and then we double whammied her with the Paps today. It just didn't seem fair to hammer her small overtired fragile little mind until it was some what sharper. Have I mentioned Papago Peaks? They're a couple miles from the homestead and it's a pretty cool place to hike around. We were all going to climb to the top so I could get you a sweet picture of the city but the wind was brutal today. I tried getting the city from half way up but the smog, which I like to call "mist" was my fierce enemy. The Paps wasn't the original plan so I was wearing shoes that had about as much traction as a piece of cardboard. With the combined steep slick slopes, loose rocks/sand that cover them and the added gale we opted for a nice walk around the park. It wasn't my best picture day. It's tough taking suitable pictures while getting pushed around on a shabby foundation by an invisible bully force but I tried like the best of them. With all the rain we have been getting, what used to resemble the moon is now full of greenery and I must say I am soaking it in before the shriveling heat arrives. But then who knows, maybe it'll keep raining enough for the plants to maintain? Fingers crossed. How will they do that with no air you ask? Back to the mist. Did you know Phoenix is not only running out of water, it's also running out of air? Truly. Speaking of air, check out the picture of Mr. F, James and Tabitha. I was trying to give you an idea of how windy it was up there. Fun but wicked.

I keep trying to get that super NG shot of a hummer. I don't want to sound overly paranoid but those little freaks of nature know my plan, I swear they know. If I am out there with the camera, wearing my red bandana, standing a nice safe distance away (I can totally respect personal space when someone is eating) pointed and ready to go not one hummer will sit still. They're ricocheting around the yard like they're in a pinball machine. Now earlier I was in the backyard talking on the phone with my mom, pacing back and forth, waving my hands around as I do, positioned with my head right next to one of the feeders out back. Doesn't this flawless ruby throated specimen come down, brush against my head to get to the feeder and then THEN flaunt his goodies right in my face for a period of time that would have ended up a stellar picture! Bastard. It makes me want to pellet gun them down and set up little props for to take pictures of them in while they wake up. Maybe something like The Sound of Music? Oooo... or a little hospital scene with them lying on a tiny gurney breathing into an even teenier oxygen mask. That would be fitting don't you agree? I don't care how this goes down, I'm getting my shot. With or without cooperation. You'll see.

Oh hey! The cacti are all budding and you know what that means! Savage blossoms! I am psychotic with excitement. I might do a little cheat time and go to the Botanical Gardens once everything is blooming for some fabulous flower shots. We are also going to head up to Black Canyon City as Mr. C's back yard is government protected land that is simply untouchable. I get a little freaked out over there when it's hot and the dogs are with us because protected land means no foot traffic, and no foot traffic means bucketloads of scorpions and snakes hiding where you would never expect them to be. Yikes. In the winter it's not so bad because everything is cold and sleeping away the chill. I don't even know if I could handle that now that it's getting warmer... I can totally see me having a full blown hysteria laden mental breakdown and we wouldn't even be out of our own driveway yet. Maybe Mr. F will have the foresight to grab the camera so I can blog it for you?

The art show

How was it you ask? I thought, for a first time endeavor it went swimmingly. It was a little dead as people who said they would come, didn't and people who said they would invite others, didn't. But all in all I was thrilled. I sold one set of jewelry! It was the impossible to make one with the silver different shape charms. Perfect. I ended up panicking about my display the day of the show (of course) and took some large rocks from the atrium, washed them off (want to feel absurd? Wash some rocks) and stuck them in a backpack. I am so grateful for large men that want to help. I wonder if it goes both ways when you're hauling a bag of rocks around for your girl? Anyway, I put them winding across my display table and draped the jewelry over them. I hadn't factored in gravity or that people were going to touch my things to look at them closely. When I think art show, I automatically think no touching so I now consider the "show" more of an "exhibit" or craft show. Hmm. Whatever. I laboriously balanced all the pieces and then people started touching them. That's when the display was totally worth it because they had a horrid time putting them back but struggled to do so nonetheless. YAY! Where are the pictures you ask? Oh, well, hmm. I was just about to bring my camera and of course I was talking about it when Mr. F reminded me how artists get all paranoid about their ideas getting stolen when they see cameras. Okay, fair enough and solid point. I was the only one without a camera. I'm not kidding. There was some little kid (8 at most) walking around taking pictures. I'm not kidding.

One of the main reasons I hate that I forgot my camera was the massive Paris Hilton style D&G sunglasses, gold shimmer spike stilettos wrapping up the ankles chick in the nurse costume. At least at first glance it appeared to be a nurse costume. You know the ones, they're super slutty and usually worn for Halloween or behind closed doors when role playing is your thing? But when I didn't see her nurse hat and then couldn't seem to locate the little red cross it became apparent it wasn't a costume!! I don't know what my deal is with staring. She stuck out. Big time. And she wasn't wearing panties. Whoa. She kept coming over and talking to me. She was there baby sitting Daniel Long's art. He's "established" and pretty much famous. I now have this hammered into my memory. I wasn't even crazy about his art style. Abstract is so confusing to me. Maybe I should try it and see how I feel then? Hmm. She told me over and over how she has seen my style of jewelry simply everywhere and since it's evident that it's like the easiest thing in the world to make, she's going to start making things too. Okay, I am so exaggerating, she did NOT use the word evident. I'm not certain if she was legitimately trying to compliment me or insulting me but I wasn't worried for I was not the one wearing the look alike nurse costume. For the earlier part of the show she insisted on being BFF with me. As I am emotionally three, I just stared and stared and laughed until she got suspicious and didn't talk to me anymore. Damn.

We are planning another show in October and with what we learned from this one, it will be a smash success. We are also going to be sure to check and see if any other bigger better with "established artists" art shows are going on and NOT have it at the same time. Oops. Ha!!!

Whatever. After the show I packed up Mr. F's backpack of rocks and headed back so he could give his new smoking grill another try. He is way good at this. We got some pork loins and then I found some apple smoking wood chips. Mmmm. It was fab. Everything he touches turns to gold anyway so I don't know why I would be surprised by this.

Speaking of gold. We have this chinese bamboo plant his mom gave us for Christmas. It's huge. It's in this bad ass gold vase with the matching cover and this red with pearls tassel that hangs off of it. I placed the bamboo in the little cut out window that connects the dining room with the kitchen and rested the cap on the counter with the tassel hanging over the edge. This meant the possibility of knocking it off the counter every time I so much as looked at it. After much to do over the doomed cover, Mr. F not only made another sweet unique little shelf, but when I came home the other day it was hanging up where I cannot get to it. It now makes a rather awesome spectacle of the cover! YAY! F does indeed stand for Fantastic!

Ah yes. The alleys. As I have told you, I love them to bits. Not only is it off leash freedom AND training for Tabitha when concerning continuing on when a dog (i.e. Tabitha's new best friend she simply MUST say hello to) is lunging/barking at the wall (and holy hell you should see how many dogs there are here! Usually 2 - 4 to a yard barking like mad!) AND sitting/staying before crossing the busy streets but it's also a WEALTH of dog toys! We find tennis balls, stuffed toys, empty plastic bottles, etc. I have decided to document the more interesting findings. Sadly, the stuffed monkey she carried all the way home the other day was shredded by Jim and cannot be captured forever on film. BUT! Just the other day we came across two more sweets scores. A yellow bodied, blue crinkle when you touch them eared elephant AND a stuffed husky. Normally I swear off the sordid excitable beasts but she was so proud of her newest discovery I just couldn't lecture her on the horror of huskies and how this one was stuffed and still looks like it's shedding. Maybe later when this one has also met his maker (the James can't help himself and for once I agree). Anyway, enjoy...

Plants compare 2 U

I have come to the conclusion we would treat each other better if we had to grow someone from seed. I'm not talking wombs and umbilical chords. After all, there are fully functional adults out there that were born as crack babies. This whole motherhood thing has huge glitches in it. As I was watering my plants today, picking off their dead leaves, thanking them for being, well, them while telling them how pretty they are, how proud I am of them for staying green and alive (I am that chick that talks to her plants, yes) I realized I don't treat anyone half as decent as I treat my plants. No really. Now don't get me wrong here, I'm not a total asshole. Not all the time anyway. But I have this little warm, patient side to me that only my plants see. I am not trying to say I want people to see this side of me, I'm just trying to get my point across.

This stemmed from Nothing Compares 2 U. I heard that song the other day. I like that song, I always have. I was in one of those internally dissect everything I see and hear into teeny pieces and form a theory moods when it started playing. I want to feel bad for her but from minute one she's being all obsessive and acting like a lunatic. She states the obvious and then goes to the doctor (even she knows she's acting crazy) who instead of handing her a bunch of valium and telling her to chill out, he tells her to have fun. She needs a new doctor. Fast. I don't even know a doctor that let's you walk away empty handed these days. Seriously. And I mean COME ON! Did she ever miss all this incredible stuff about her wonderful SO while they were there or only once they signed her off? If it was post-signing off she deserves what she got. You know, for all this realization that living together was hard and that she did something wrong, she still wants more. Whoa, I am way off track here... I'll get to my point.

I'm going to assume she gave as much care to those flowers out back (you know, the ones that died when their caretaker went away?) as she did to the relationship. Maybe all her partnership needed was some emotional "water" you know? How hard is that? I would have left her oblivious selfish self-centered ass too. As much as I am not one to talk unless it's in reference to being unmindful. Ha.

Most relationships simply need more patience and understanding, a clear view of what is expected (not to mention realistic expectations), a decent environment and some "emotional" watering. In so many words a plant doesn't grow to appease your ego.