Just to clarify...

There seems to be some confusion over my use of the "n" word in my last entry. I know why it would be judged as such and I'm not defending myself as much as I don't like the idea of it being taken in the wrong context. Even if every other time, they might be right.

Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta by Geto Boys

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta
A real gangsta-ass nigga plays his cards right
A real gangsta-ass nigga never runs his fuckin mouth
'cause real gangsta-ass niggas don't start fights
And niggas always gotta high cap
Showin' all his boys how he shot em
But real gangsta-ass niggas don't flex nuts
'cause real gangsta-ass niggas know they got em
And everythings cool in the mind of a gangsta
'cause gangsta-ass niggas think deep
Up three-sixty-five a year 24/7
'cause real gangsta ass niggas don't sleep

And all I gotta say to you
Wannabe, gonnabe, cocksuckin', pussy-eatin' prankstas
'cause when the fry dies down what the fuck you gonna do
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta
Feedin' the poor and hepin out wit they bills
Although I was born in jamaica
Now I'm in the us makin' deals
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta
I mean one that you don't really know
Ridin' around town in a drop-top benz
Hittin' switches in my black six-fo'
Now gangsta-ass niggas come in all shapes and colors
Some got killed in the past
But this gangtsa here is a smart one
Started living for the lord and I'll last

Now all I gotta say to you
Wannabe, gonnabe, pussy-eatin' cocksuckin' prankstas
When the shit jumps off what the fuck you gonna do
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta
A real gangta-ass nigga knows the play
Real gangsta-ass niggas get the flyest of the bitches
Ask that gangsta-ass nigga little jake
Now bitches look at gangsta-ass niggas like a stop sign
And play the role of little miss sweet
But catch the bitch all alone get the digit take her out
And then dump-hittin' the ass with the meat
'cause gangsta-ass niggas be the gang playas
And everythings quiet in the clique
A gangsta-ass nigga pulls the trigger
And his partners in the posse ain't tellin' off shit
Real gangsta-ass niggas don't talk much
All ya hear is the black from the gun blast
And real gangsta-ass niggas don't run for shit
'cause real gangsta-ass niggas can't run fast
Now when you in the free world talkin' shit do the shit
Hit the pen and let the mothafuckas shank ya
But niggas like myself kick back and peep game
'cause damn it feels good to be a gangsta

And now, a word from the president!
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta
Gettin voted into the white house
Everything lookin good to the people of the world
But the mafia family is my boss
So every now and then I owe a favor gettin' down
Like lettin' a big drug shipment through
And send 'em to the poor community
So we can bust you know who
So voters of the world keep supportin' me
And I promise to take you very far
Other leaders better not upset me
Or I'll send a million troops to die at war
To all you republicans, that helped me win
I sincerely like to thank you
'cause now I got the world swingin' from my nuts
And damn it feels good to be a gangsta

Big pimpin', no need for cheese

Unless you are going to put it in his mouth. Then there is a huge need for cheese.

We all know how smooth running the James is, and we all know how much the bitches love him, but I am the most proud when he's busy smashing holes in the species barrier.

Meet Lily Jean:



Now you might be thinking she looks just like every other bugged out, alien eyed little pug out there and yes, pugs might be something of an epidemic but this my friends is no ordinary pug. As we all know Jim is all about things that are out of the ordinary, so it should come as little surprise that he and Lil are best buds. They've known each other for years and she is one of two dogs who have been allowed to share shotgun and cuddle up with him during nap time. Yes, even the most gangsta ass niggas enjoy a little cuddle time. Don't act so surprised.

Jim and Lily Jean have recently been reunited after a pretty long break. Although years ago they used to walk together daily, aside from a few scattered visits, they haven't been together for any length of time. Until now. Making up for lost time is something they are both reveling in. More Lil than James as he doesn't usually go searching out attention unless there is food attached to it. Most weekdays you can find Jim and Lily curled up next to one another napping the day away.

This all became interesting they day I looked over and my heart burst out of my chest because of the overwhelming amounts of cute radiating from the cuddle fest happening beside me. Of course I started taking pictures:



That of course led to more and more pictures:






After taking these pictures I would send them to the MM as he is a huge fan of both the James and the Lil. What I didn't realize at the time was that these pictures were then being forwarded to Lily Jean's mom. Something else I didn't know is that Lil's mom is a huge fan of bully breeds. We were cleaning up in the awesome department and didn't even know until...

Story goes, Lily's mom went dog bed shopping so Lily Jean could be more comfortable when she decided to take a nap while at daycare. While picking out the exact right pug bedding she started thinking about the James. The next thing you know she's purchasing a larger bolster bed "so Jim can be more comfortable too, because he's Lily's BF". SCORE!

First a picture of Lil on her new bed. Awwww!


Next we have a picture of the James on his new bed. Sweet bed bro!


And last but not least we have a picture of the two love birds on Jim's bed.


After letting Jim settle into his new bedding, I took Tab out back and we had a long talk about how she could be more like her brother and how done I am with her inability to work the crowd. That said, we are now going to agility and with how fast she is catching on to the training, I just know we are going to wipe the floor with the rest of the agility students. More on this later...

Bewowneuw!

Yeah, no big deal, it's only a cure for cancer, whatever...

Is anyone else super freaked out by the fact that this isn't being broadcasted all over the place ? I might be overly paranoid and full of conspiracy theories but seriously, why else wouldn't this be mentioned?

I haven't laughed this hard in a while

I want to be that level headed all the time. I can't even begin to explain how wildly jealous I am. A perfectly good dead squirrel gone to waste. For shame.

ALL HAIL THE QUEEN!!

The printed brochures are here and look fantastic with their shine and promises of good things ahead and that's right! I just crowned myself Queen of Label Land and yes, it is as awesome as it sounds. I have completed and printed thirty two pages of labels! It was a wild and crazy ride but it's done and I know I am a better person because of it. I also looked up Joe Perry and Steve Tyler because let's face it folks, who better to watch after rockstar dogs than a bone-a-fide rockstar?!

Tomorrow I punch and slash my way to the victory of Queen of Clear Round Sticker Land! I am unstoppable! Every brochure will not only have a matching address label in sweet, bolded, GillSans Light but they will be held secure with a fancy clear circle sticker! I am so not fucking around! If there is anyone who wants to have a brochure off, send them my way so I can spank their pussy amateur ass and send them crying home to their mama where they belong.

Location, location, location...

I made up some brochures for Bone-a-fide Pet Services and I'll tell you, I keep patting myself on the back over how incredibly great they came out. I love them. I love putting things like this together because it lets my creative side flow like extra chocolate fudge over the vanilla ice cream mountain range. But we all know something that delicious has to be fattening and I am now entering all the cellulose causing addresses from an excel form to the correctly sized labels. All eleven hundred of them. Yow. As much as it's going to take a while, I am still super excited over the font GillSans Light in bold. Very pretty.

All these addresses and names have my head in a whirl. The names! Olga, please call us! I have always wanted to say the name Olga. I almost named Francine Olga but everyone freaked out enough to sway me and remind me how much I love the name Francine. Miss Von Iderstein, just pick up the phone! You know we're the ones for the job! The brochure makes it so obvious! Ramsey Fountain! You're just plain awesome! Beatrice! I'm so sorry but I recently decided your name is like the best name for a small white pig! I don't know if I can take you seriously, but I'm sure going to try!

What happens when you live on Lovers Lane and you have a nasty break up, or worse, a divorce? Does the name of your street bum you out every time you think about it? Enough to make you move? Hounds Ditch Lane! I love the name of that street! Every time I drive by it, I celebrate a little. What would I do to actually drive down it with purpose? Would I offer a day of free daycare? I feel like I might. Otter Rock Road? Who are we trying to kid with this one? When's the last time anyone saw an otter in this area? Seriously. Joy Lane. I'm obviously super biased but come on, how happy is that? Does Pond Road have a pond on it? How about Cordwood? What's going on there?

Are there people who base where they live on their street name? I feel like I would be that person. King Caesar Road would make me feel like I was trying to hard whereas High Street would bore me to tears or constantly make me think that I'm right... everything probably would be more fun while high. Like reading my street name. Trippy huh? I'd probably pass on Old Mill Road.

So it's pretty clear at this point that these labels are going to take way more time than they should. The first clue should be that I am blogging instead of entering the words onto the labels. The second is that I have the internet at my fingertips. Take last night for example: There I was plugging away when my latest favorite game popped into my head. In the spring I like to play What's My Favorite Tree? It's pretty easy. As the trees bloom, I choose my favorite tree and any time I see one I yell "FAVORITE TREE ALERT!". It changes about once a week. It started with the Weeping Cherry Tree. I've always been a Weeping Willow fan. And in pink! Big Weeping Willow fan UNTIL! I remembered Dogwoods come in pink! I've known this for a while but my brain was so yay weeping cherry tree! that it kind of pushed the dogwoods to the back of the line UNTIL! I saw one and everything came rushing back to me. Then last night I was admiring them online so as to take a break from all these fucking labels you have to be kidding me... needless to say I ordered one. It's going to be pretty small but I have faith and I am going to fence it off so it's not pissed on to death while loading it down with sweet nourishing food instead. It's going to be the most loved tree ever. My job is super easy considering how many problems they don't have and they are drought resistant. I love me some drought resistance! I'm even going to look up how to avoid any problems that might happen even if it's rare. Ooooo... I'm going to do that right now while pretending to enter label data!! Later!! I'm off to continue making labels! These babies aren't going to type themselves you know!

Progress is growth is progress...

The Lupine is coming along beautifully! This is exciting because these are the plants that are going along the fence at the end of the driveway facing the street. Everyone is going to know just how beautiful we really are on the outside.





The other little seeds are doing a whole bunch of nothing and I am soooo over them. I put some bulbs where they were and as much as I know you can start bulbs in the ground, these are traveling bulbs so they are going to start in the egg cartons. I planted me some Freesia bulbs and after reading about them I might just keep them. How pretty are they? Who knew? The other bulbs are Crocosmia and again with the breathtaking beauty aspect. Then there are the old pincushion flower (Scabiosa) seeds I have (hopefully) growing in a wet napkin. The wet napkin on a plate never ever fails me so I am super hopeful even if these seeds are 100 years old. All I have to do now is find me an area that receives full sun most of the day and isn't constantly being run over or pissed on by dogs.

Just look at her! Tramping herself all over town! She ought be ashamed!

I almost forgot! The Tab has this mark on the top of her inner thigh and it looks just like a heart! Who needs a trampstamp when you got nature on your side?




Oooooh, also we have some interesting birds hanging out by the shore and I took some pictures so I could identify them more easily than just remembering them.

These little fellows here




are Brant Geese. Aren't they fun with their black heads? And they're not all that big. In fact, their paranoia outweighed their size by a landslide. My type of goose.

This fun little dude



is called a Black Headed Gull and as much as he's sitting there by himself they were all over the place and loud. They also give a distinctly different call than the local gulls so listening to them was a little trippy.

Oooo that smell! Can't you smell that smell?

Irony is having allergies plug your whole face up to the point where smelling is a long lost friend until you happen past landscapers and suddenly are overcome with the aroma of fresh cut grass. I'm not complaining because I love the smell of fresh cut grass, but what the hell nose? Stop mocking me or I'll cut you off to spite my... forget it.

Things have been happening... kind of. The water bowl we keep outside for the dogs is now called The Bowl of Doom because of how many things crawl into it and drown. I lucked out and a mouse was one of its unsuspecting victims. Remember years ago when I talked about wanting to try the decomposition method some biologist dude on CL told me about? It was how to clean a skeleton off without needing to touch it or own a beetle colony. Not that I am against the beetle colony mind you, but these beetles will eat everything if they escape and need quite a bit of dead flesh to survive. I'm just not into it. I don't have enough land and dragging home roadkill does not appeal to me in the slightest. I have yet to come across a whole animal that wasn't in some way broken or way to huge to try the biologist's method on. Basically it goes like this: You need a dead animal, a tupperware container with a cover, a scoop of dirt, some water, warm weather and time. Lucky me, I have all of those. I almost blew it. As much as I enjoy my dead thing collection just as much as the next guy, the whole freshly dead animal skeeves me a little and I don't like touching them. I was about to have SR heave the unlucky little dude over the fence when my brain kicked into overdrive, got all excited and reminded me about the biologist.

I doubt the bones will be big enough to wire back together. Mouse toe bones, seriously. However, this gives me a chance to try this fun little theory. And if all goes well, I'll be the proud owner of a mouse skull complete with nasal passage bones. I know, right?! Lucky you, I took pictures...

Step one is the not so accessible dead animal. SCORE! (I frown upon killing things for the sake of an experiment)


Put a scoop of dirt into the tupperware container. I want to go on and on about how you have to disinfect it, but I think it might only be hysterical to me.


Add water and dead thing to the tupperware holding the super helpful scoop of dirt.


Put on cover, place in an area where it will be more hot than cold and simply wait.


See, there's all kinds of nasty microorganisms and bacteria (is that one in the same? Yeah, I didn't go to biology school, sorry for living) living in the dirt. Story goes, when you add the dirt to the dead thing flavored water and turn the heat up a bit, they'll rot that dead thing faster than your mom responds to an inviting smile. I'm pretty excited to see the turnout. With the rotting corpse. The mouse. Not your mom. Sorry for any confusion.

I finally got the TabTab into agility! It's in a class in the town next to mine which makes it even more exciting not to mention far more likely that I'll make it to every class on time. Well at the very least that I'll make it to every class. I needed all this stuff to join. The only thing left is the bait bag that will be at my house by the 6th which will complete the needed list of a crate (found a super light soft sided one, thank you CL!), lots of toys, 6' leash and a bait bag. She will be sporting a matching pink collar to go with her snazzy new super soft hemp leash and I am only going to use them for agility so there is no confusion of when we are "working". I'm also really into her looking fashionable and girly. I am PUMPED and I just know she's going to be awesome at this. Just to prove it in some off handed way, here's a little video I took of her at the bogs.



I also started some seeds. Well, I started some seeds poorly. For the first time in a very very long time I didn't read a thing prior to starting the seeds and just went all hey seeds, this is dirt, you guys are going to get along great, in you go! So apparently putting them in your freezer for a week prior to planting helps both of them grow fast. It also helps to start them in a wet paper towel while covering the seeds to much will not help so much. Oops. Here's to hoping right? I started the seeds in egg cartons and if everything goes as planned (not necessarily documented by professionals) they are going to be killer. The Delphinium will be lining the side of the back deck and the Lupine will be along the fence right next to the side gate. Unless of course I am confusing their sun needs and then just switch them around. Either way, they're going to look great. As of right now, they even look great at night!



And for a happy little ending in more ways than one, I leave you with before and after pictures. The after picture could be better, but you get the drift:

before


after