Why you gotta be like that huh?

I recently went to see the facebook movie with my brother and a friend of ours. A couple of days later I was talking with my brother about the movie and it went something like this:

Me: Wasn't that part where the main character checks the math so funny?

Bro (staring at me with that you're so hopeless and frustrating exasperated face): Joy, you laughed through the entire movie.

Me (attempting to mollify with genuine innocence while trying to figure out why he is looking at me like that): It was a comedy!!

Bro: No. It wasn't.

I can't tell you how many movies I have gone to and laughed through just to later find out the parts I laughed over weren't even supposed to be funny. Like the time I heard, "Joy, they blew up earth. That is never supposed to be funny." But it was funny because the earth made a tiny little pop sound when it was destroyed and the idea of that still cracks me up. Also, it wasn't forever and I knew that because I read the book. AND, whatever, it was super funny. Sorry for living. So yeah, go see the facebook movie. It's a gas.

Due to my unending curiosity (and some close friends highly recommending it a while back), I gave internet dating a try. You never know right? Well, I know and I am so done with internet dating. It wasn't all bad, not even slightly. But the parts that were bad showed me I am more of face to face type person. The only thing I am left wondering is if I come across on here like I do everywhere else there is a glowing screen with my writing behind it. I can only assume so and it makes me a little concerned because I clearly do a completely shit ass job representing myself through wordage. I am so much better in person and I know this because the people who have gotten to know me in person stick with me, while the people I meet online sometimes end up sending me unpleasant and super insulting hate mail that reads like it's made for my heavy hitting, radical and forceful evil twin. Why am I met with such a different reaction in real life? Is it my facial expressions? My body language? Why do I come across like a totally different person when I fill out the little summary page and then answer a bunch of questions honestly and to the best of my ability? The first received venomous letter was so interesting because it was definitely to me but the accusations were for someone else. How weird is that? My beliefs, likes and interests came across but in a way I never imagined they would be perceived. I am so clearly sending out the wrong message here. The second one also came across like they believed me to be someone else. I'm not nearly as judgmental or domineering as it made me sound. Yeah, I can get worked up over shit but I usually end up laughing it all off anyway. I'm just not at all as serious as some of these messages implied. Fuck. I should have saved them and showed you what I mean. Oh, that would have been so helpful, wouldn't it have? No biggie, from now on I'm keeping it up front, in your face personal, real life shit because whoa am I giving people the wrong impression. Maybe my humor needs the actual smile? Am I like the only person ever to get seething hatred from a dating site? It's not often I get that level of animosity so I know I am doing something seriously wrong as when I am face to face with people, they seem to really enjoy my company. Even when they don't, it's never a hate thing, it's more a wtf I can't relate to you but I'll still hang out because you are fun type deal. Weird. I will say that anyone I have ever met from the net (guys and girls alike) was not meant as a dating thing so much as buying or selling something, showing them how to do something, them showing me how to do something or just hanging out because we were both bored. The meeting had no tense expectations and was set up right away which helped to cut all the wordy bullshit out of the picture, put us in motion and allowed me to move freely throughout the cabin. So yeah, online dating can be fun and really cool people can be met, but for a far more productive result I think I am going to continue meeting people the old fashioned way. That way I won't run the risk of representing myself poorly. Well, that's a stretch. At least when I do it face to face, I'll be able to immediately try and asses the damage, get it all wrong and ruin my chances way faster than if it were through an email while keeping their friendship. Cause that's more my style.

CAUTION: WILL KILL EVERYTHING IN THE ROOM UNLESS YOU RESTRAIN IT, SCREAM AT IT AND FORCE IT INTO SUBMISSION

Hours of time lost but a lifetime of information gained so whatever. Tonight I make all of the forms while saving the data. Look at me go. I am also going to start a fire. In the fireplace for once. Way I see it, a fire offers me just enough distraction that I can tinker around for small amounts of time without completely flaking out on the forms. If there were a Distraction Land, I would be the Queen and I would rule with an iron fist. Until something shinier came along.

I groomed a "very dangerous dog" who "needs a muzzle on the entire time". Poor old sheep dog rolled in tranqued out of her gourd and still showed signs of being very defensive. Not so defensive that she needed a muzzle for anything and certainly not so defensive that I would label her dangerous by any stretch of the imagination. Scared maybe. Worried. But not "very dangerous". I am not putting aside that she showed her teeth and bit the brush (gently while avoiding my hand and when teeth touched hand, she didn't put any pressure down and shifted uncomfortably after I made disappointed clucking noises) twice and she's big enough that I don't want to take a serious bite for any reason. I am also not ignoring the fact that she was sedated to a ridiculous degree. My hope is that I can get her so she is not growling, biting, stiffening or backing herself into corners while tranquilized and then do it with half the dosage and so forth and so on until she is no longer needing any type of meds to handle grooming. I'm psyched. The owner was also psyched and loved her hair cut. JH#1!

Our website needs to be a little more user friendly...

I am making online forms. It's slow going and super fun. I love shit like this as it fulfills my need to tinker about at something until I master this. I'm about an hour in and it's awesome.

P.S. I should have just kept reading the rest of the chapter. I am totally okay with what it was trying to tell me now that I have the rest of the info in place. :F Whatever! I got tired! Sorry for living!

Just let it go already...

I was talking to a friend about some of my most recent life experiences and she starts really losing it over a book about letting go. She was so excited and animated while explaining the book that I caught the fever and ordered it up. It just got into fear and regrets which caused me to have a think tank moment and I seriously don't have regrets. It's a realization that always surprises me because I have done some seriously shitty things and had some very absurd moments (which probably, no definitely could have been avoided by just backing up a bit and looking at the big picture), but they have never put me into regret mode. I can't imagine looking back and regretting something, because with the way I work, I would have to regret it right from the very beginning. And I can't think of one single circumstance that I started knowing it would end up in a horrible fashion nor have I even begun something with malicious intent in mind. It's more my style to close my eyes and jump in after gaining some speed, and the crush of hitting cement freaks me out and hurts like hell but man, for a moment there, I really was flying and it was awesome while it happened. Is it the permanently rose colored glasses that stay plastered to my face? I know those keep me on a ship long after everyone has evacuated and it has sunk. And I know I can be very sticky about some subjects, going over it again and again, pulling it apart even after the pieces are microscopic and no one wants to talk about it anymore, but I don't think that is regret. Is it? Someone asked me the other day if I regretted the last couple experiences I have had and as much as they still bring me unbearable saddness, I don't regret them for a second. Countless wonderful things along with an abundance of knowledge came out of those same incidents. I can't even wrap my head around labeling any part of it regretful. Look at where I have been, what I have done and everyone I have met along the way. When I consider the immense good that came out of the bad, it blows me away and makes me warm with overflowing amounts of gratitude to have been present for even a fraction of those moments. Sure I bitched a bit and lost my way here and there along with made some seriously huge fucking mistakes but fuck it, I did it, it happened. And yeah, I had my little basketcase freakout sessions but eventually I figured out that crying over the spilled milk does not unspill the milk. I am psyched with who I am today, what I hold sacred and what my character amounts to. If I regret it now, I regret it then and where does that piece of me go? Who knows where anything is going to take us really? The future and what it holds is more imagination than anything else. To pretend I could have guessed this exact outcome is laughable at best. Isn't that what life is all about? Isn't it about giving fully and enjoying everything possible that you are surrounded by without smothering it with expectations? Sure, it's tough and sure I suck really bad at it sometimes but I forgive me for that as fast as I can. Otherwise my sadness might turn into regret or guilt and beating myself up is not something I plan to start doing any time soon.
Regret seems more like beating yourself up for the past, which means you are fighting something which left the room. Just you swinging around in an empty ring. Why would I do that? So yeah, I am lousy at letting go. Who isn't? Who doesn't clutch the moments they savored the most that are lost forever? So am I lousy at letting go or am I not understanding the process of grieving? We all know how much I fucking hate processes so this would make a certain amount of sense wouldn't it? I don't know. I do know I'll beat a horse long after it died and was put underground. It's one of the biggest complaints I get and it is often confused for negativity but I know I just like to dissect things to see if there was something I missed. Why do I constantly feel like I am missing something? Oh, good one. Am I missing something or am I just refusing to see things like other people want me to see it or am I making it into something I want to see to avoid the truth of the matter? Maybe both. Maybe none. Maybe I am talking the wrong people or maybe I should talk about things less and that would be almost impossible for me. Hmm. Maybe I am just spending to much time psychoanalyzing myself and just need to chill the fuck out and be happy I don't have any regrets. Ha.

Picture this (w/ hairy addition)

I was sitting quietly while reflecting today (hard to imagine, I know) when I suddenly remembered why I was growing out my hair to begin with and immediately felt vacuous. I like my hair short. Remember the length back when I lived in AZ? I loved it and I'm cutting it again. Maybe not that short, but shorter than it is. It's gotten to that point where it's just dragging on the weight of itself and doesn't have any spring. Since I am clearly not going to do any actual styling any time soon, short is the way to go. My hair looks better not styled when it is short. Also, it's curly now. What the hell is that anyway? It used to be straight with maybe a little wave to it and now we are talking banana curls in some places. I don't get it, but I kind of like it. It keeps me looking one step from animal when there's a lot of humidity.

I keep thinking I should cut it myself since I was promised it's excellent therapy but I don't know if I could get that layered look I'm shooting for in the back. This isn't the flip your head over and hack type deal. Is that even a deal? As much as that was a fantastic way to add something like "noodles" to mud soup, I like to pretend I am past that phase in my life. If that's not some kind of red flag, I don't know what is. Maybe I should just wrap a bunch of caution tape around myself and go for it.


I updated my flickr account. Hence said reflection. It's as thrilling as it sounds.

With my camera broken I can only snap lasting memories with my mind and I am tinkering with the idea of finally getting a big girl camera. My Canon Powershot is an awesome little camera (when it works) and I will miss it. It was the kind of camera you can drag across the country without a care in the world and it served its purpose well. We had a good run but the lose pieces rattling around inside it don't sound so hot. I wish I was the kind of person that could take it apart and be all "ah ha" just to put it back into working order. I'm not though. Boo.

You'll know when and if I get another camera because I'll stop posting phone pictures every time. You love them as much as I do and you know it.

What a hoot!

We have Great Horned owls calling to each other outside our home as I type this. I tried recording them but my phone kept picking up the noise of traffic more than the birds which is weird since I heard the owls through my glass slider. Damn low frequency. So instead, I found you this exact replica of what I am hearing. The perfect ending to a not so shabby day.

Speaking of, my day kicked some serious ass. I was given a substantial raise today because "D had no idea you were going to be as good as you are. She thinks you are a really great groomer, probably even better than J." D is my boss. J is the head groomer. I am the girl kicking dog hair ass with scissors and a smile. I have been working with the animals that "need two people" or are "hard to do" or simply have something ominous written on their card like "CAUTION" or "BITES". Needless to say, none of the dogs take two people, none are hard to do and the only time I felt even the slightest bit of caution was when other people started grabbing at the dog and fucking up my flow causing the dog to panic. These poor dogs. They don't bite. They don't even want to bite. They are just anticipating pain and then restraint and force when they try to say they hate what is happening. Perfect body language and nothing but straight up fear from being manhandled and told they are bad. Again, I hope hell is a personal type place where you get back every shitty thing you have ever done to another being. I get a little nervous about my own plight but it's not like I have ever forced anything or anyone into submission through measures that were brutish at best. It's just not necessary. I would go into the dogs and how it went (and why it went) but it would take a heavy lead in and have you looked at the time? Night night.

Some neat pictures

I can see right through you...

This is so cool I can hardly stand it!!

Plunder the women and rape the cows.

On my way to my pop-a-lop appointment I saw two Trojan Horse lawn decorations at two different locations. I don't know the people who put them up but I already don't trust them. Isn't the Trojan Horse the very personification of betrayal? Why would you place that in front of your home? Are they subliminally telling the world to sack their place? I doubted people are accepting of strange women coming out of nowhere questioning them aggressively (only because I would be late, not because I am angry mind you) about their lawn ornament choices while using words like "deception" and "plunder" so I drove on. And there was that small voice inside me telling me something could go horribly wrong and no matter how many times I think she needs to relax a little with the worrying and constant nagging, she's never wrong. The scheduled appointment made time tight anyway.

I took me a little dog filled jaunt at the bogs today and forgot to leave my phone in the car. Here's the benefit of forgetting. Nice. I love these top two. The first one can be flipped upside down and look like it is right side up. Reflection trips me out sometimes. I live for that cement block wall. I can't tell you how many summer days I have fallen asleep on it for hours.




Pet pictures. You knew they were coming so don't act surprised. It would seem the setting sun and I have something in common. We are both 100% at getting the J&T to take a rad picture. I simply adore the top one of the Tabster. Sepia without the sepia by Blackberry and the JH. Teamwork rules.


I remember a day when the James took a picture that was so bad ass it would take my breath away. He was the king of photo op and I have the pictures to prove it. These days I take what I can get and nothing else really matters than he's still here so I say fuck it and snap. Spoken like a true artist?

Just in case you needed clarification

A note found on my dining room table:




Above it was a scribbled out number that added to the general awesomeness, but I am not sure who's number it is and thought plastering it on the net was in bad taste.

Never explained, doesn't matter

I just ended my evening with the highly recommended movie The Road. I do not highly recommend ending a perfectly good evening with this movie. Holy shit. I also hear the book is better. Imagine that. So here goes my summary and hopefully it will purge this newly added crap from my mind so that I will be able to sleep.

People still suck for the most part and can't be trusted when everything goes to shit unless you have a loaded gun and a fire within. People who keep their root cellar full of other people are not the good guys. People who don't eat dogs are good guys. Old dudes are always just old dudes. That never changes. Black people are better off stripped down to nothing as long as you feel bad after and give it all back just to show that you're not one of the bad guys. Helpless defeatist attitude bitches ruin everything, every time. When the world hits full throttle catastrophe, charge it south.

Good times.

What's going down

After washing a dog, we perform what is known as force drying directly after the bath but before putting the dog into a cage dryer. It is called that because a dryer which produces forced hot air (really really fast air) is used to get the extra water off the dog and just generally breaks the hair up nicely making the dog dry faster. It's also used to get out the shedding undercoat and such like that. The girl who bathes and runs the front with us refers to this as "blowing".

Example: I'm going to go ahead and blow this dog now OR I'll be over here blowing Sammy so he can be finished faster.

Needless to say, this throws me into hysterics every time and it never gets any less funny. After she says it I am destroyed with laughter and everyone is staring at me while I try to regain composure and say things like, it's nothing, it's nothing, carry on soldier OR thanks for letting us know what's going down OR thanks for getting us ahead (haaaa! a head? get it?). I'm pretty sure no one understands why I am laughing and I am so not about to be all oh I'm laughing because you made reference to dog fellatio.

I'm just going to keep laughing like a fucking child. Because that's how I do.

Hate is a strong word

You know what I hate? That beginning bullshit period when you are dating someone where all the preliminaries are discussed and it's just mundane crap that could be avoided if the whole world would just fucking cooperate with me on this one. I just like to roll up and act like I've known you forever and a day. As for all the mandatory garbage that other people seem to need (what do you do for work, how many siblings do you have, do you sacrifice kittens in your backyard late at night when no one is watching, do have any kids, blah blah yawn blah) I don't have the slightest need to know at first. Just fucking talk to me and act like you normally do you know? How many of your good friends do you feel the need to tell about your professional status? Seriously, don't worry about it, we'll feel it out as we go along, promise. Otherwise it's got the stagnant nothing of every single other date I've gone on which then has potential to fail because well, this is a first date right? Doesn't every failed relationship start with a first date? Fucking process process process. Seriously, meet me in a well lit place and hang out for a bit. If you can think of something bad ass to do, let's do it. It'll probably move you up a notch on my I hate first dates richter scale. If it has to do with unlit places, silence, axes or whatever everyone else in the whole fucking world enjoys doing, I'll probably give you the whole I thought I liked you until I got to know you spiel, throw a $20 on the table and leave. Seems fair right?

I picked up an AC unit yesterday and threw my back out. I don't think it's helping me feel positive. Positively painful maybe. Ha.

That felt good.

Over & Out

Says who?

The fact that this starts with a creepy worn away "JOY" at the top is kind of thrilling.

Things and stuff

Passion makes me passionate

I am grooming again and I love it. Why did I stop? FL was seriously a weird time for me. I loved it so much but forgot about some of my biggest passions while letting others waylay and I think that is totally unforgivable. No wonder I started not wanting to be there. Then again, that seems to be how I roll so fuck it. But I can't help but wonder if had I groomed or otherwise worked with dogs, would I still be there? Hmm. I am not still there but I like to cause myself grief for things I have no way of knowing or ever finding out. Tricky really.

I hit that pinnacle moment a little early with the place I am working. You know the one: They realize you can find employment way easier and faster than they can replace you, making you something of a commodity, rendering them incapable of controlling you. That one. I like that one. Not because I am a total d-bag and then run off to torture people with my newly acquired power but because it means I don't have to worry about having my authority issues ruining everything again. In fact, with this place it's never going to be an issue because the woman who bought the grooming shop doesn't even know how to groom. I'm not being uppity here, she seriously just doesn't know how. This ended up being good news in a fucked up kind of way for me though. On top of who the fuck does that, one of her groomers decided life in general was to hard when working and quit and then the lead groomer lost her son so I went from two days a week to about five or six. I feel bad for the women but not that bad. I never even meet the first one so I didn't play a part in her overwhelmed status and I certainly didn't kill anyone. So see? Good news. In a fucked up way. Whoa.

I have been frequenting the bogs again. You knew I would. Since my camera is broken and that makes me beyond sad there won't be any decent pictures for a while. I think it broke the last time I was out with SD taking pictures of him surfing. Not only can I not believe I never posted my favorite pictures of him surfing but I got SMASHED by some waves and as opposed to making sure the camera was safe, I focused more on not drowning. It's fun but super hard taking pictures of someone surfing. You have to be where the waves break and keep yourself steady enough to snap the picture. My camera has rapid fire but it certainly isn't shock proof. Bummer but seriously, check these out:

In this one he is making fun of me because I cheer a lot when being tossed around by waves.


This one just belongs in a surfing magazine.


SD was great about surfing right at me without hitting me. I tried to photo op his buddies but they were to nervous about hitting me and it just didn't go well. I told them I would get out of the way and meant it but they just got all freaked out. But how do you get a decent picture unless you are right there? You don't. Luckily SD's surfing ability and my risk taking ability matched right up for some sweet shots. We even posted them on seaweedmagic.com. For real for reals.