Yesterday was a literary purge full of freshness and positive energy. Swear. My eyes have opened a little wider so to speak and it's restoring lost balance.
I'm not worried about relating in the slightest. When I do relate to someone, it's surprisingly satisfactory, but I don't go dredging about in the sludge looking for connection. On the same note, I am no longer left wanting when a connection shorts out. I sort of expect it now and it always happily reminds me of the fabulous book, latest craft or dog who always loves a walk I have waiting for me at home. I see what is out there and the dynamics lose their luster more and more every day. I refuse to use the word "drama". It's been pushed and pulled into a meaning that to closely resembles what the word "ignorant" has become. They are overused and flaccid. The way most people conduct themselves through their "meaningful" relationships is lacking in sincerity, respect and esteem. People are relying on others to provide self worth and direction. It's sick. I'm not catching that bug.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, I am extremely pleased with the friends I have picked up along the way and the qualities they exert always impress me. They're a wonderful reminder that integral beings do in fact exist.. The silver lining if you will.
I didn't mean to give the wrong impression. I'm very pleased with the way I am. I am going to continue searching for the shoes that fit. Until then, I am going to remain barefoot, while rarely compromising or behaving in a selfless manner. If people don't like that, it's fine. They don't have to. If they don't want to (or cannot) join me wherever I end up, that's okay too. It's nice to be back. JH#1
On a sunnier note, M.D. has been freed. I put him in the backyard where small bugs are abundant at night. I wish I could find him a tiny lazy-boy and television, so he could have somewhere to kick back and digest comfortably after a night of hunting. There is nothing better than being fat and happy surrounded by cushion and entertainment. It felt good to see him running as fast as he could towards the provided safety of our retaining walls.
Provided all goes as planned, I pick up the panther lined Scion tomorrow. I'm pumped. I might even have a buyer for the Durango. As much as it takes way to much gas, I am going to miss that truck. It served me well. If you can, drive one and you'll see why I like it so much. Change is good though, especially when it helps the wallet, no?
Speaking of saving the wallet, I am also going to add "not dealing with people" to that list. I ordered groceries online this evening. Mr. F & I were attempting to outsmart one another on the subject of staying home and cooking rather than going grocery shopping. I don't even like to cook lately so I took a step back and grabbed the trusty old laptop. Not only did we shop for a lot less time than usual and save money (I am an impulse buyer), but we also didn't lift a thing (fingers on keyboards don't count as work). It will all be delivered between one and three tomorrow. That is the perfect amount of time to cuddle up with a book. I also get to feel productive while reading it because I am after all, waiting for our supper. If this is as smooth running as it seems, it's going to be a constant. Thank you World Wide Web. Thank you for sparing me of yet one more necessary but usually torturous event.
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