Here I am. Back in MA. Maybe this blog should have been called goaheadtryandfindjoy? To late.
So things went slightly awry. By slightly I mean really and by awry I mean bat shit. What does the JH do in times trouble? She bails the fuck out. And I'm not talking sleeping on a friends couch for the night and letting things blow over. I'm talking about packing all my belongings into a 16' truck, putting the tiny car that cannot hold all your belongings this time around on a flatbed trailer hitched to the back of said truck and heading on out across the same country that is being ravaged by an ice storm which is knocking out electricity from AK to VA. Needless to say, we drove this behemoth caravan the long way through TX. Don't misunderstand, I didn't need anything close to a 16' truck. Shit, I didn't even need the 10', but I didn't think two adult sized people, two adult sized dogs and two adult sized fish (fish houses included) would be comfortable in the cargo van. As much as I like to test my limits, I don't like to test them on cross country trips that were spawned from stressful situations. However, if you rent through Budget, to pull a trailer you must get a 16' truck or larger.
I then did what every decisive, stable, adult does... I take this oversized heap back across the country to my mother. Which is fine. Especially when you are influenced. Not that I am trying to shift the blame or point fingers. However, the situation explained is far from the true situation. Lesson learned, ties cut, whatever you want to call it.
This also meant getting the super low to the ground car off the flatbed. Oh, did I mention the nightmare that entailed getting the lowered car on the trailer to begin with? No? Let's just say five guys, two different trailers, lots of sighs, some cursing, planks of wood and two hours of problem solving fueled by my fragile mental state and the assurance I would cry (or torch the car in their parking lot) if it didn't happen we were on the road to freedom. Once back in the big MA, it began all over again but this time in reverse during a white out blizzard. I'm not kidding. I also pulled into the parking lot assuming there was a way to pull the whole heap through without backing up. I was so totally wrong. In fact, I was so totally wrong about being in the right driveway. And I was blocking parked cars. Just when you think you've met your worst client to date, I come through the door. The man who helped me get it off looked really pissed off about the whole thing but I didn't take it personally because I would have too. As soon as the words "If you help me get this car off that trailer I am out of your life forever" went past my lips, this same pissed off guy was all about the task at hand. For a second I thought he was going to lift it onto his back and carry it off. Needless to say, it was off way faster than it was on because I happened to mention my concern about my low profile tires getting stuck in the snow and therefor blocking the truck and trailer that is blocking parked cars in the wrong parking lot. We shook hands, I gushed my thanks, settled my bill and off I drove in my so cool custom low rider. You know it's funny how the mind works... the whole time I was dealing with the car, I kept hearing my own voice echoing through my head. It relentlessly repeated what I said right after getting the Scion: "OMG! This is a custom car! It's a low rider! Only the coolest people have custom low riders!". I'm not even half about to debate every not cool mexican low rider, so screw you. I sometimes lose touch with reality when I am excited. I am often thrust back into reality when that excitement now needs to somehow get onto a trailer.
Speaking of trailers, do you know how difficult it is to back one up? If you don't know how, it's tough. I got to try twice. The first time I got it stuck in a parking lot I seriously thought wrapped around the breakfast place into the gas station. Wrong-o. Some poor man who just happened to be in his Sunday best and just happened to be taking his wife and daughter to breakfast ended up parking behind me as I was s-l-o-w-l-y getting the trailer even more wedged in. He had to help me. His wife gave him "the look" and he was immediately defeated. I was elated, and while holding the canines, talked his (15? 16 year old?) daughter into getting her dad to teach her how to back a trailer up so she would never end up in an embarrassing situation like mine and would feel empowered. I can only hope I have offered him some seriously needed father daughter bonding time. Otherwise I ruined a part of his life best left whole. Either way, he helped me. YAY! The second time, I pulled half way into the lot Budget told me I should return my truck to. This time was easier as I called my last remaining life line and had two women screaming directions to me in the blizzard. So I am back home with a little more knowledge and a lot more success under my belt.
I'm actually rather excited. Well, it's more like a bipolar roller-coaster ride kind of excitement filled with lots of waking up and immediately saying (or crying, depends on the day really) "OMG! What have I done!?" and finishing up the day with "There is no way this can end anything but totally awesome!". I have convinced myself if you say the positive more than the negative then everything is fine and is going to work out beautifully. I have also convinced myself that living at your mom's is cool in a lot of different ways you would never think of if you didn't move back in. I am so getting a shrink.
So. New plan. I am going to start a business. It's going to have limited overnight boarding in my home but also offer home visits or overnight care along with transportation. I figure it'll get me started in the right direction. If I find that I need more, I'll fall back on the grooming. How could this possibly go wrong? I am the Queen of Dog Land. It's going to be fabulous. I am looking to eventually buy a home/shop on land which is zoned for commercial and residential. Catch two birds with one net and all that. I'm a thinker.
Speaking of birds and nets and such, I may saunter on over to my aunt's house and take my finches back. I don't think she's enjoying them quite frankly. I don't think they're very keen on her as Bob hung himself and Bob dropped dead when it was obvious she had to vacate her princess palace and go back in with the boys. As I have never once stopped loving my tiny feathered friends, I believe rescue is needed. I also have ideas for their next BAD ASS dwelling. Try and stop me. Well, just try later in the day if it's all the same to you. It doesn't matter anyway. Once I show you the blue prints, you'll be trying to help me build it.
I haven't heard anything about Tabitha's modeling career, but it hasn't stopped me from hoping. I might also start looking for other opportunities now that we are back near the big city that doesn't make sense to most people and that's why the people it does make sense to laughs at them. It's also because we are inherent assholes. It feels good to be back.
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