Now that my belly is full of meat babies and cookie babies, I'm feeling satisfied it's going to be hard to show the amount of rage and dissapointment I was filled with yesterday. :) I'll try my hardest.
It all started with me lamenting the fact that I am not a morning person. No, wait, I am a morning person. I love the morning! I am simply never up to enjoy it and it irks the shit out of me. Anyway, my new plan is jumping rope every morning. Notice I said morning. I mean this. Besides, I never want to work out last thing. I always end up blowing it off. I am also going to get into the habit of going to bed nice and early so this will not only be possible, it will also be enjoyable. There is nothing worse than waking up early and being super bitchy all day because you are tired from staying up all night. Nothing. Unless of course you are simply super moody like me and prone to bitchiness. Then it's cool no matter what time you went to bed or what time you get up. Perfect.
Anyway, after the rude awakening that I am still not doing well at this morning thing it was time to go to the Keys. What a hugely long ride. Hours. Some of it goes through the Everglades. Am I the only jackass in the entire world that thought the Everglades had something, anything, to do with trees? It's not. Well, they're fleeting and more like shrubs. It's mostly a bog. The bog of eternal stench. The smell that comes off that thing is gag worthy. Stopping to take a picture of a Michelangelo cloud made my stomach churn. I was fed up with all this long before we ever even hit the Keys. Okay, the Keys. How many times have I heard how much fun they are? How many times have I heard of their beauty? Many. The answer is many. Again, hype. Would I go back? If it was going to be at someone's house and it was a promise of relaxing vaca time doing nothing other than lying about and watching sunsets. Then yes. If I had to stay for four hours and get paid a million dollars Paris Hilton style? Yes again. Otherwise, no. No I would not.
On the way to the keys we passed all these houses. Nice ones. On stilts. They were very cool and the more we passed the more I liked them. Of course they are directly next to the water and I cannot help but wonder if they fair better in hurricane weather due to the air being able to pass right under them? Also, I bet it helps tremendously in times of flooding. Here is a helpful visual of a house on stilts.
The Keys themselves are beautiful. Don't get me wrong, I did not overlook the natural beauty that surrounded me at every turn. But the incredibly long drive over bridges (I totally went over the 7 mile bridge that was undoubtedly 7 miles long) and over water is just that... bridges and water. I tried, I really did. It probably doesn't sound like it here, but I tried to keep it positive. I even oooed and ahhhed at things. It was fun. Also, along the way I was hoping to see an alligator. I did. Granted, it was road kill, but I saw one. There were live nature snipets everywhere though. Everywhere. Birds and lizards I never normally see. Oh and the teeny tiny key deer. I was really hoping to see one. It was one of the main reasons I went. On the ride back, while driving through the natural habitat of key deer (we'll get back to this one in a minute), I actually saw one of the miniscule creatures. It was in fact tiny. About the size of Charlie. And it was a buck (aren't the males always strapping compared to the females?). Whatever, the point is that I saw a key deer and all was not lost on this trip to hell and back again. If you would like to know about the slight key deer, you can read up on them here. The easiest part of finding a key deer is the fact that they have been allotted only so much space to dwell in. It is right next to the main drag and fenced. It is also broadcasted about on signs with blinking lights when coming into said territory. Did you know that speed kills key deer? I didn't either until a sign told me all about it. I never even knew it was a problem. And with all the drug trafficking cut down on, they must be having a super hard time. You gotta love developers. They find a piece of land they want and they build. Then all the tiny little deer begin smashing off windsheilds and in a developers mind become a natural nuisance. The best solution is usually more building, but in this case, they did not get a little key deer condo where they could live out the rest of their life in peaceful retirement. Nope, they got a fence around a tiny plot of land. A large black chain link fence. How natural! And the totally hysterical part of this fence are the random openings in it that lead from their "natural habitat" (which appears to me to be a garbage strewn wasteland, but I am no key deer so what do I know?) right onto the open roadway. There is nowhere to go from these openings except onto the traffic laden road. Awesome. One of the openings had a rope across it. I guess key deer respect boundries. They must be super smart. Another one had nothing. Just a gaping maw beckoning all the petite bambis towards the blinding headlights of fast moving deer disfiguring metal.
The other thing that lives in the Keys are the Key Critters. They are humanoid beings that have 30 year tans, long burly scraggly beards and something that resembles clothing covers their bodies. It seems their natural food source is liquid and they consume it from a paperbag. They are found frequenting bus stops or lounging under trees. Sometimes they are moved toward line dancing or slap fights. They live by the beach as they stay in the Keys. There is no migrating path for these strange creatures.
Ah yes. Key West. Let's see... There were homeless chickens everywhere. You heard roosters crowing frequently. I'm not kidding. They just bustled about everywhere. We saw a family of them living under a dumpster. Dumpster Chickens. Please do not mistaken this as me talking about someones pet chickens. Some were feeding on the side of the open road in a Blockbuster parking lot no where near houses. The people sucked out loud. The ones that weren't gay or tourists were simply total assholes. They drove like assholes, they talked like assholes, they looked like assholes. It was something to behold. A bunch of sullen people living in the most boring (but beautiful) place ever. Once you get past the people (which is difficult because they are everywhere) and do a little exploring you realize there is one, I repeat, ONE interesting street. The only other even remotely interesting places are the main drags in and out of the place. This is due to the fact that it has things like gas stations and Wendy's. It's the color I suppose. Straying from this one interesting road sometimes places you into scary looking ghetto areas where the people appear to be equally as angry but poor. Angry and rich, and angry and poor are two totally different things. One happens to be unsettling to drive though. Along the ONE street that had things to do there were shops and places to drink. The shops looked cute but I wasn't drawn to them. The bars looked like bars. There was one outdoor eatery but by then I had had it. I wanted out about as fast as I was in. This one street wonder town was old and grating on my one last nerve that was trying to hold itself together. Needless to say, I did not try to get a picture of myself at "the southern most point". I am not into jamming myself amongst hoardes of people to get a picture of something I could have just as easily never seen without it adversly effecting my life. And you THINK you know pricey gas. You don't know. We're talking $3.49 per gallon. Regular! That's enough to make anyone super pissed off huh? I'm pissed off thinking about it. One more reason to hate Key West.
Oh right. Then there was the dog aspect of it all. I kept picturing this happy little island that resembled P Town. You know, shops and ice cream places, places to rest and people watch... but most importantly, I thought it would be dog friendly. Most gay places are. And before you get all huffy puffy because it seems like I am bashing or anything like that I would like to point out the fact that Key West has a freaking walkway thing dedicated to the people that have died from AIDS in Key West. Gross. And I am not anti gay. Gay people are usually friendly. They are also usually dog friendly. Pet friendly. Just plain old friendly. And I am dismayed at the lack of friendliness. Maybe the rage of driving for hours to reach NOTHING was keeping them at bay? Ha ha.
So I ended up getting a sandwich and then getting the hell out of there. All in all my trip to Key West equalled BOO KEY WEST!! BOO!!!
Moving on...
Today was rather a slow day. OH! I totally got up early!! Okay, earlier but this is a good start to success. First coffee. Then Target to get a fish holder. See, the fish have been travelling rather precariously. They have been riding shotgun (on the floor mind you) along with Jimmy. I have had them propped up with a sheet wrapped about them so they don't spill and so I have something to drape over them when sunlight threatens to cook them alive. Oh, it's also to make it so their glass vases don't smash against anything. Throughout all of this, they are thriving. Since they are being so cooperative I went out and got them a carrier today. If they are going to be gypsy fish, they deserve the very best transporter don't you think? It's quite beautiful and does the job tremendoulsy well. I'll be sure to get pictures once my camera batteries are charged. It's worth noting.
Tomrrow I am getting up early (earlier anyway), taking the boys to the self grooming facility and then heading over to hang out with my dad. I would like some quality time. Since I have been complaining about the lack of canine acceptance here I am going to stay where he is for the duration of this quality time. The room has a front door that goes right to my parking spot and the backdoor (get this) goes directly into the area where the pool is located. And it's fenced. HEAVEN. Jim and I can work on our tans, I can throw the ball for Charles, have water available at all times AND take a dip when I am hot. YES!!! Oh yeah, and this wonderland is right down the street from the dentist. I haven't been able to get through to them so I ran up there today and slipped a note in their door. I am half way through the tooth fixing mission. Hopefully they'll get back to me soon...
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