Let's talk cutlery

Okay not yet. First let's discuss predetermined cookie batch yield.

MM is going away for a little while and one of his clients gave him the gift of hopscotch cookie mix. Since today is slow, boring and rainy I have decided to cook them up. I like the packaging. Very user friendly.

Every time I make cookies for something (I don't often make them for only myself), I double or triple the recipe. And most recipes say the batch will yield 2 - 3 dozen. On what fucking planet? Planet Miniature? While they are having a competition to see who can win the blue ribbon this year by making the smallest cookie ever? Or maybe all the recipes are printed up in Japan, where they excel at making the tiniest of everything. Man, when I want a cookie, I want an actual cookie. Not some pathetic thimble sized reminder of how great sugar is. What the hell cookie people?

Now cutlery. The kitchen in AZ had this knife collection that didn't match so much as it cut the hell out of whatever I wanted it to. They were kept sharp by the man of the house since I turn every sharp edged tool into a useless blunt object. Sharp enough to cut through paper just like they do on TV to show off how sharp something is. And I loved it. But I didn't know how much I loved it until I was cutting with knives that were not sharp. The ones at the pearl are often so blunt that they will crush something before cutting it. That is most awesome on things like tomatoes which have a habit of exploding. Then there are all the other knives I come into contact with. Some of them are mine from FL. They are the cheap ones that come in a set with those scissors and they all have the serrated blades. Know the ones? The serrated edge gives this false sense of get the job done and then tries to hand you a bunch of fucking food stamps, I swear. They are functional like a car with a broken gas gauge. You're pretty sure you are going to get there but there is this unpredictability involved that feels a little dangerous. And not the feel the rush this is living dangerous. More the holy crap I hope this shit doesn't snap in half and slice my wrist somehow dangerous. Or the omg why isn't this going through and why is it starting to turn to the right without my permission dangerous. It's like cutting through freshness with failure. Once I am finally settled somewhere for the long haul I am going to have some kick ass ninja knives in my kitchen. That shit is going to be so serious.

I'm going take a moment here to gush about Tab some more. I have been walking dogs during the day and I must say, walking her with them is a pleasure. She doesn't pull, doesn't fight... just walks steadily next to me and tries to be good. I was talking with the MM today about walking dogs and how there is always that one dickhead dog who ruins everything, to which he then chokes on a laugh and says "yeah, and it was always your dog! HA!" and you know, he's right. Jim has always been the biggest douchebag to walk. Always slamming off the edge of the leash or dragging behind trying to smell something all the while making absolutely sure he pisses on every single vertical object that is close enough to at least try and get over to, even if it means wrapping up all the other dogs and tripping me in the process. Walking him is and has always been a fucking nightmare. Now it just creates much less fury because he's 100 and most of the time can't help it. It's like dragging your grandpa around and getting angry when he acts like an old man, it just makes you look and feel like a grade-a asshole. So now we walk slower and happier with TabTab right there being her good little self.