If I were to...

This is a little game I play with myself when driving for hours on end. Once I end up somewhere I have no interest in, which today happened to be the tail end of Louisiana, I start spacing out and play the If I were to game.

Todays subject:

If I were to open a strip club, tattoo/piercing studio or restaurant...

I would call it The Rabid Rabbit.

If it were a restaurant, it would be strictly vegetarian. Now I am totally into those neon signs that make the object look like it's moving by blinking lights to switch the picture back and forth, so the restaurant would probably have a rabbit frying veggies in a pan. One moment he's holding the pan, the next he's FLIPPING VEGGIES IN THE AIR with a super huge smile on his face! YAY!

If it were a strip club, the sign would be of a little sexy girl rabbit sitting down with her legs crossed, hands (paws?) folded on her lap, looking up to the left all demure and then BAM, leg goes out and she covers her mouth with the tips of her fingers and a surprise! I'm so naughty! wide eyed look on her face... It would be a swank establishment. A gentleman's club if you will. The Prophet asked if transvestites would be allowed to dance there. Um, can they bring in clients? Then yes, of course they can... this is money business, not hate business. Geez...

Since tattoo/piercing parlors have to keep it cool, I would probably just go for some gnarly rabid looking white rabbit with red eyes and just flip the open/closed sign on the door or have a no big deal lit up OPEN sign for when we were... right.

As I mentioned this before blogging it, K to the power of the S jumped the gun and started with color scheme (which I hadn't gotten to as I had just finished the logos and was considering menu style). She's totally right that the building should be white. No matter which establishment, it would be white.

That said...

It's hunting season in Alabama. I know this because I pulled into a place to fill up and a group of good ol' boys, clad in full camo and fondling shot guns, drove in behind me towing their boat that was hand painted to look like marsh grass. They stopped and got out to check some things that I couldn't figure out unless it was just to drop stuff and run over a jacket or two and yell "BACK UP!" a lot while holding said guns. Yes, it was as awesome as it sounds. Yes, it fully confirmed what I have known since I was very young: Alabama is magical.

One of the dudes was checking out the Scion while I was walking the kids and I got the, "I sure like yer car there" AND a hat tip! I'm in! I was so caught up in loading the dogs up and getting ready to head out that I didn't think to get a picture of these dudes and their boat until about 10 miles away! DAMN DAMN AND HELL! You KNOW they would have posed in front of the boat with their shotguns! You KNOW one of them would have happily taken another picture while I posed WITH them holding their guns in front of the boat! SHIT! ASS! FUCK! If this is to ever happen again, you know I'll be ready because we all like to pretend I learn from my mistakes don't we?

Side Note: I have loved Alabama since I was very very small. True Romance (the movie) carved the idea in stone once I was a teen. Yes, I finally went to AL when I was about 30. Yes, it's a total marshland fucking hole. Yes, they all hate me because of my yankee accent. Yes, they hate me even more when I try to fake a southern drawl. Yes, I still love AL and I always will. I want to move there so bad even though I know it would be awful. However, there is that super enthusiastic chick in my head that says they would all get to love me after a while and I would be accepted as one of them once I took my dogs hunting and bought my own boat that I hand painted to look like the marshes... She's fucked me over bad a number of times. Hence me not living in AL. Yet.

JH <3 AL 4EVA!

Oh hey! I found Little Jersey. It's the town of Trousand, Louisiana. My If I were to thought process was broken when I thought I smelled something disgusting burning and panicked a little because that's never good. After hurriedly checking the car, I noticed it was coming from my vents and then I looked about. Yuck. I'm not saying you should go there. Just imagine Jersey but smaller, poorer and blacker (is that PC?) and you're all set.

I still have pictures of the Goodyear blimp in my camera. I wore super short shorts and a bathing suit top and they allowed me to go right into the hanger while explaining that never happens. Uh yeah dude, I know, that's why I dressed like a total slut, smiled a lot when asking, bounced up and down cheering when you said yes and keep saying the word "like" to explain everything... Once I get settled somewhere I'll dump the pics onto the computer and you'll see them. :)

I'm starting to get a little jealous of the truckers. You know they have something scrumptious in the back cooking in their run on a lighter jack crock-pot. You know they do. I need a CB. It might be the best investment I have ever made. I got the TomTom instead and please don't think I'm complaining because TomTom helps us find things faster than when we just hopefully drive in circles but a CB would be worthy...

Bastards!


Over & Out