Some people try to convince me that you can do all the same stuff I do with dogs, with kids. Uh uh, wrong-o. After so many times of dragging them across the country, it's frowned upon. As much as the tiny, agreeable stage is probably very like a dog (minus the vehicle seating and most of the clothing), they do that whole growing up thing and start having their own opinions. I'm not really into opinions when I am hellbent on "figuring things out" and if I want an opinion, I'll call a friend. I also can't remember the last time me and my dog had the "I'm my own person and I hate you now" discussion. Isn't that why we cherish our dogs so much? It's the whole put your wife and dog in the trunk of a car for an hour, when you open it up, which one is happy to see you thing. So true. And imagine Tabitha coming downstairs to me mentioning that the skirt she is wearing is way to short because I can see her girl bits? Seeing her girl bits are perfectly acceptable! She can throw that shit all over the place and I will always be totally cool with it. I even get all squishy inside when she goes spread eagle for someone (man or woman, whatever) to rub her belly. Anyway, I would really be wondering where she found my old skirt.
So yeah, kids are just like dogs? This just makes me want to get knocked up, and when the baby comes, treat it like I do my dogs. When everyone freaked out and got all frantic and what the hell are you doing I'd be able to say the big told you so. Because everyone loves an I told you so. And I am so fucking right on this one subject. Dogs. I'm pretty good at it.
While out at breakfast this morning I was bet $50 that I wouldn't stick a fork in someone's face and I didn't do it. To many factors. Am I slipping or growing up? Aren't factors adult or something? Is this what regret feels like? Eh, over it.
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