There are all these subjects brewing in my head lately but when I go to talk about any of them I just get all "meh". It's not that I don't like to talk about shit, holy fuck, it's not that at all, wow yeah. It's more that I don't know how to say it in a way that is going to make sense to the other person and I know there is going to have to be some lead in story to get them to where my head is at and it's long because I have been thinking about this shit forever and that takes it to a crescendo level and then I'm all fuck that no. Which is totally unlike me. When's the last time I lost interest in explaining shit? I don't know either! But I am so not interested in saying what I want to say and it makes m wonder what's up. I am usually so talkative that I freak people out. I wonder if it might be because I am single right? Like maybe I am missing that person in my life that I can verbally accost daily with insipid dribble. I'm a pro at dribble. But when I think about that other person I'm not really into it, and if that's the case, how could I be missing it? I'm also pretty pleased running amok without having to worry about someone else and what they are doing and how they fit in and would what I am doing affect them in a way that could bite me in the ass and put big hulking speed bumps in the way of our forever happiness and do I care and why don't they just accept me for who I am and stop trying to make me become some creature of habit and caring? So... that's out. And it's not like I am bored. It's been a pretty crazy week over all. Lots doing, lots to talk about. I'm relatively content with everything. As much as my sad-o-meter is stuck on full voltage, I'm okay with that as well. I want to go out but if something weird happens to me while I am out alone (and believe me, it fucking will) and I feel like I want to talk about it, I won't want to and then I'll be even more disinterested in saying anything about it and this downhill snowball will grown. So I am going to keep not talking about anything and see where it goes. It's just weird and I thought I would share.
SIDE NOTE: Today is a screamy type day. I live in the suburbs and it isn't a very exciting place. In fact, it's the small town you drive past and ignore when heading to the place where you go to kick back and relax. I'm not kidding. I'm right off the main road and there have been people screaming all night as they drive by. Some are super pissed off and screaming obscenities and earlier it sounded like a caravan of people went by cheering. It's a nice change.
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1 comment:
thanks for sharing about your reluctance to share. I like it.
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